After the initial shock had worn off, I grew to quite enjoy living in Utopia Nishi’s house. Well, harem really. He was very good to all his girls and I got on so well with some of them that it actually, believe it or not, never even occurred to me to be upset or jealous that I wasn’t his only one. After all, I had never thought of him as my boyfriend or my lover and by the time I realized I was in love with him, he was whisking me off to his luxurious country manor.
And I had lots of time to think about how lucky I was. Anything I wanted or needed I was given and I could do whatever I pleased as long I stayed within the grounds. Utopia didn’t like his girls to leave the property but the house and gardens were so expansive that despite living there for over two years I doubt I saw everything.
Utopia only had a few rules for us to obey, therefore the new one like me quickly got the hang of things. There were probably about twenty of us at any one time as girls would come and go. He called us his slaves and we had to call him Master and kneel at his feet (which I found rather silly and it often made me giggle which didn’t amuse Utopia at all!) But those were really the only rules he had. He liked variety so we were all very different in looks and personality and he made the most of that. He would provide us with lavish clothes so that we could dress up as we pleased. It was like being a child in fancy dress again! I had some gorgeous gowns and some really cute dresses. Other girls were very much into the slave silk thing and would glide around the house wearing flowing layers of color, the tiny bells on their ankle chains jingling as they moved. Continue reading →
Well, my darling diary, I have been away from you for too long and I’m so sorry. Things got so busy at the Retreat and I just haven’t had a chance to write anything at all. I’m also in such a muddle about Taun that I just need to focus on something and someone else for a while. Taun is amazing. But that amazingness is so frightening. Why is he so patient with me? Why does he care if I learn to accept and cope with my situation here? And if he cares that much why doesn’t he help me get free?
I can’t stop thinking about him, obviously! I sit down with you, sweet friend, and announce that I’m going to tell you about Utopia and then I proceed to babble on about Taun!!! Well, I will just say that the other night I didn’t go to Taun’s cabin because I needed time to think; I needed to be away from him and around the other men. Maybe I was trying to remind myself just how awful they all are and how lucky I am that Taun is taking an interest in me. Maybe I was just trying to run away from an unknown and scary situation. But, Taun found me and he was not at all happy that I hadn’t shown up. He took me to the cabin and we resumed my training. But, he didn’t punish me. He’s just so unpredictable. He has a controlled calm about him and doesn’t let anyone manipulate him or make him react in any way other than that which he decides to act. He doesn’t make me call him master or have me kneel in front of him or something corny like that. He doesn’t whip me or punish me just because he can or because it turns him on. Everything he does seems to serve a purpose; it’s like he’s playing one long game of chess and you only realize it’s check mate hours or days later.
Clara is a bit tied up (probably literally) at the moment, in her long adventure with Taun. I don’t know what he’s planning on doing to and with her but she’s falling for him fast. She won’t be able to write for a while (probably about a week) so I just popped over to let you know that she hasn’t abandoned you and she will be back soon with lots of juicy tales.
Maybe next time I won’t try and avoid the gang bang. I didn’t have a very pleasant evening although I did learn something interesting.
Each month, Mr. Negulesco organizes a gang bang here at the Retreat. It’s awful! I was chosen once and obviously I hated it. I guess it’s one of the events that draws men and their money to the place. And how do you think the girl to be used like this is chosen? She has to volunteer! Yup. It’s so twisted. I mean, I guess it’s great for the girls who live here and who love all the attention they get from the men but for the prisoners like me it’s just awful. Mr. Negulesco asked me once if I had signed up for that month’s lottery and when I told him I hadn’t because I didn’t want to “win” he made it very clear that I would get into trouble if I didn’t enter. Why can’t he just automatically add all the girls’ names; why do we have to “volunteer” for something we really, really don’t want to do?
Anyway, I was watching the events unroll and this month’s girl seemed to be a willing participant and she and all the men were thoroughly enjoying themselves so I figured what point was there in my being there? I wandered off back to my favorite little bench in the pretty garden area just off the path. It’s so quiet there and I much prefer it to the house, for obvious reasons, but I’m still close enough to everyone that (usually) I don’t get in trouble for trying to avoid the men. Continue reading →
Hello Diary, I am so very tired right now but I have to write to you. I need to tell you a little more about Taun. I saw him again this evening. He’s getting under my skin and into me. I don’t know if I should run to him for help, protection and guidance or away from him before he envelops my mind and body in his soft, gentle, kind, sweet, caring cloak.
It was a short visit, but it had a deep effect on me, just as each time I see him. He had me remove my clothes and he explained that he was going to kiss me and touch me. It’s not that I didn’t want him to do that; you know that I have started to desperately need him to do exactly that. But I just had to ask him the question that was going around in my mind and driving me crazy.
So I asked him if it was okay to ask him a question. He replied by asking me if I would like to have an answer to my question that pleases me or that is the truth. That scared me a little, but I said I needed to know the truth. Then I asked him if he was playing with my mind on purpose, if he knew that he was doing it, if he was trying to change me, if his actions were calculated to have the reactions they were having in me and if he was aware of the effect it was having on me. Continue reading →