Oh, will he ever forgive me? I’ve made another big mistake. I just can’t seem to get anything right at the moment. I felt so sure, so strong, so angry, so determined. But I was wrong. And now I just feel so awful.
All he wanted was for me to do one simple, little thing and I said no. I didn’t mean to! I wasn’t saying no to what he was telling me to do. I was scared and I was begging him not to do the thing I thought he was about to do. Which he did do. And it hurt and it was horrible but it would have been so, so much better if I had only done what he had asked rather than panicking and not trusting him.
I’ve messed things up. And now Mr. Neguleso is angry and disappointed.
Ignore everything I wrote last time, dear diary. I don’t know if I even meant it then, but I certainly don’t now. I need to figure out how I can make things right again; how I can earn his forgiveness.
I owe him so much. Yes, he has been harsh with me but I’m sure he has his reasons and that he knows what he is doing. Yes, some days I would like to leave here and he won’t let me but how do I know that he’s not simply protecting me from what is outside? Bren is a dangerous man (I know I haven’t told you about him yet, my sweet diary friend, but I will I promise!) and maybe Mr. Negulesco is trying to keep me safe from him. Yes, some of the other men here are absolutely awful and completely terrifying but have actually been really hurt or injured by them? No. I haven’t I and I think that Mr. Negulesco knows and controls the people who come into his house and he keeps me safe.
So, I don’t know when I’ll see Mr. Negulesco again. I am very scared to see him but I also really, really want to meet him again soon so that I can try and apologize and explain and make it up to him. I am still confused about how I feel but I do know that I am very sorry and that I will try hard to be good. As a start, I have taken a photo of myself to include with today’s entry. I was told to only wear underwear until further notice and I found this really cute little bra and panties set. I hope it’s sexy enough.
Good night diary. I am tired and it’s late so I don’t think there will be anything else for me to tell you about tonight. Let’s hope that my next entry will be a happy one!See More of Charlotte & Clara: