That’s better. A little, anyway. I’ve slept well for the last two nights and am ready now to tell you about what happened when Mr. Kozlov took me to the park and made me pretend to be a dog. (The events leading up to this are in my previous diary entry, if you’d like to read that again, my sweet friend.)
My knees and wrists ached, despite the fact that the little park wasn’t far away. It’s not easy moving on all fours, especially when you’re scared and a man is half-dragging you along.
“Here we are, Doggy. At the park. I’ll sit here on this bench while we wait for your new friend and her owner. Sit at my feet. I hope you remember the commands I taught you. Sit!”
Looking down, feeling completely and totally miserable, embarrassed, and afraid, I obeyed his command. On the ground next to the bench I sat back on my heels and tucked my “front paws” into my chest (but of course to the side of my breasts so as not to cover them) and spread my legs wide. I held my chin up, opened my mouth and began to silently pant. I managed to position the “tail” in between my feet so that it didn’t push further up into my poor bottom but it still felt strange and unpleasant and I hoped I wouldn’t have to hold this position for very long.
Looking up at Mr. Kozlov, I tried to see by his expression if he was satisfied with me. I had an idea of what was going to happen when the other “dog” arrived and I absolutely hated it, but I knew it wouldn’t be any better or easier for me if I misbehaved now.
His smile and slight nod told me I had satisfied his sick imagination and gotten the command correct.
He patted me on the head then played with my hair, exactly the way one would with a puppy dog. Tears filled my eyes and I didn’t bother to hold them back. Technically dogs don’t cry but I’m sure Mr. Kozlov delights in my tears (he must because he makes me cry so often) and he didn’t seem to care this time because he didn’t tell me off or punish me.
“Ah, here they are!”
I looked over to see a man arrive with a girl, naked like me except for a wide, black leather collar. She also had a tail although it was much larger than mine and I winced internally at the thought of what must be inside her in order to support such an impressive tail. Her very curly brown hair was pulled up into high pigtails which gave a very clever illusion of floppy ears and she had some sort of face paint or makeup on: the end of her nose was colored a rich dark brown and she had a kind of patch painted around one eye. There were little dots on her cheeks and a line ran from her nose to her mouth. She looked like a dog, but it didn’t look silly or embarrassing. I wondered what was so different about her and why she seemed so cute whereas I was sure I looked as ridiculous as I felt. And then I realized. She was panting, just as I had been told to, but she was also smiling. Her whole face was smiling. She was enjoying herself! Or, if she wasn’t, she was much better at faking it than I have ever been.
As they approached us the man shook hands with Mr. Kozlov and they exchanged a few words. I heard him command his “dog” to sit and stay which she did. She then stayed perfectly still apart from little movements of her tongue as she panted happily and stared up into her “owners” eyes with a look of pure joy.
Had he drugged or hypnotized her? Or was she just one of the girls here who truly, truly lives only to serve the men in any way they wish? (Remember, my faithful friend, that all this happened before my evening with Mr. Negulesco and I was yet to fully accept my place here and my role as a mere object for the Gentlemen’s pleasure.)
“She doesn’t look very happy.”
I realized the other man was talking about me.
“She is. Aren’t you, Doggy?” Mr. Kozlov gave me a sharp kick in the thigh and I whimpered. “She’s just very new to the idea that she’s not a girl anymore. Show the Gentleman how pleased you are to be my animal.”
I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do, exactly, but I knew that if I didn’t make it look as though I was enjoying myself I’d be in big trouble. So, copying the other girl, I looked up at each man in turn and smiled and panted.
The other man laughed.
“Cute. But, hey, I’m not judging. If you prefer an unwilling animal that’s none of my business. Toffee here loves this particular role-play, in fact she earned her name because she gets so very wet and sticky whenever we play. But then she also makes a really good school girl and an excellent nurse.” He shrugged, grinning at “Toffee” as he added, “I guess she’s just a natural.”
I saw the two exchange a look that made my insides ache. They had something! I didn’t know if he was going to buy her or had requested exclusive use but there was a bond between them that made me think of Taun and I wanted to scream, cry, run, or anything to try and get back in time to the first few weeks I had spent with him, before things had gone wrong and when there was still a chance for me of true love and happiness.
But of course I did nothing at all. I just continued sitting in this horribly exposed position, panting and trying to smile convincingly at the same time while everything inside me was crumbling.
Mr. Kozlov looked at me and seemed somehow to read my soul. He sneered, fixed me with his gaze and said, “Indeed. But enough talk. Let’s allow our pets to get to know one another. I’m sure they’re eager to become well acquainted while we both watch, of course.”
He knew I hated every moment of this and he loved that! He didn’t want a willing and eager participant; he could easily have chosen another Retreat girl if he had. No, he enjoyed my pain and torment. He didn’t want me to be happy; he wanted me to suffer while he fed off it.
Or maybe he knew that was the only way to break me completely. That’s what I believe now, anyway. Because it was only thanks to this awful experience followed so perfectly by what Mr. Negulesco did to me that finally made me accept the truth. Did the two of them plan it or was it just coincidence? I’ll never know of course. And it doesn’t matter.
But at the time I was sure Mr. Kozlov was only doing everything he did for his own sick and perverted pleasure. And anyway, even if his ultimate goal was to break me, I’m sure he enjoyed every moment of it.
A cute “woof” followed by a series of happy little yaps broke me out of my thoughts. Toffee was moving in my direction and beginning to sniff around me.
“Ah, I see that Toffee is curious. Stay still, Doggy, while she sniffs you,” Mr. Kozlov said.
“Don’t worry, Toffee is very friendly. I’ve never had to punish her for biting but she does tend to get a little… enthusiastic, especially when she meets a new play mate. So I’d advise just letting her do whatever she likes and perhaps you will both become good friends!”
“Oh I’m sure they will! Stand, Doggy. Arch your back and wag your tail to show Toffee how happy you are to meet her. Let her get her nose in as close as she likes so she can taste your scent.”
I wagged my “tail” and tried to smile, pant, and ignore the peculiar feeling of the plug inside my bottom. I wanted to look away and focus on something that wasn’t what was happening to me. But I didn’t dare try and switch off or zone out; I needed to concentrate so that I could follow orders and not give Mr. Kozlov any reason to punish me.
I gasped as I felt something between my legs. Toffee was behind me and I could feel her breath on my very delicate lips, then her tongue as she began to lick and lap at me. Every now and then she would pull away and make happy little yaps and I’d hear the two men laugh and make some comment about what a good and pretty little bitch she was. They didn’t comment on me. I wondered why that made me feel almost jealous and I tried to act more as though I was enjoying myself but I couldn’t seem to do it.
And then I could.
I heard myself let out a very canine whimper as her tongue suddenly darted inside me. I blushed what must have been a very deep red when I heard both men laugh loudly and agree that I had finally started to really enjoy it.
“You see,” Mr. Kozlov said, “She’s a happy little doggy really; she just has a hard time accepting it. But she’ll learn.”
“I think you may be right there. And in fact, if I remember correctly, my little Toffee took quite a while to accept all of my games. But now she’s a very willing participant. So I’m sure with the right trainer – such as yourself – your Doggy will be just as obedient and happy.”
I think the men spoke more about training techniques but I wasn’t listening. I was suddenly only conscious of what was happening between my legs and I was indeed enjoying it very much. She was so skilled with her tongue that I began panting and making little yaps more and more often. I was going to come!
“You puppies are really hitting it off. And I think that my Doggy is having an especially good time! But no orgasms yes, Doggy. Perhaps I will reward you later and allow you to come but first perhaps you should get to know Toffee a little better.”
I saw Mr. Kozlov look at the other gentleman who smiles and nodded, then gave Toffee the order to roll over.
My body trembling from being so close to coming I stared down at the delicate belly and open lips Toffee was now offering me. I looked into her cute face, with its painted button nose and I tried to read her eyes, past the painted-on patch and into her real self. But I couldn’t tell if she was truly happy or not.
I moved closer to her, then slowly leaned in. I didn’t have nearly as much experience as she must have had and I hoped I wouldn’t disappoint her. Feeling very shy and strangely not at all embarrassed, I dipped my face close to her and began to lick. I tried to copy what men do to me and what she had just been doing. I flicked my tongue quickly then lapped more slowly. Glancing up at her from between her open thighs I saw a huge smile on her face which encouraged me and made me strangely happy. I continued, her little contented yaps drove my enthusiasm higher and I actually wished I were allowed to use my fingers too.
I didn’t care about the men. I easily blocked out their laughter and commentary; the only thing I cared about was giving this adorable creature pleasure and it wasn’t too long before I was rewarded. Her yaps became yelps then loud woofs and her hips bucked up into me, hurting my nose but I didn’t care. I was sure it was because she was a Retreat girl that she came so easily; there was no way I was skilled. But it felt so good to be able to do that. I don’t know why.
“I’m glad that was recorded by the Retreat cameras. I’ll need to watch it again a few times, from every available angle,” Mr. Kozlov said.
“Agreed. But now I’m painfully aroused. Mind if I use her?”
My high crashed into tiny pieces all around me.
“Of course, be my guest.”
“Thanks. I know bestiality is frowned upon but hey, if the bitch doesn’t complain it’s okay, right?”
It happened so quickly. I howled in surprise and fear as suddenly the other man was inside me, taking me so roughly and fast I could barely even breathe.
“Pant for me, Doggy. Pant and wag that tail until I fill you with my human seed.”
He slapped me hard across my bottom over and over again and I tried to move my hips to wag the tail but it was so difficult to move at all with him inside me and his hands slapping me. My panting was more like sobbing but I somehow managed to make an acceptable sound until he finally came.
“Now that’s what I call a puppy! She’s so fucking tight!”
He slapped me hard one last time and then pulled out.
I realized that my eyes were screwed tightly closed and I opened them slowly. The first thing I saw was Toffee. And she wasn’t happy. She looked furious, although I could tell she was trying hard to hide it.
She moved close to her owner and began yapping, obviously trying to ask him for something. He laughed and said, “I think Toffee wants to play with her friend a little more.”
“Hear that, Doggy, you’re in demand tonight! Roll over and let Toffee play with you again.”
I looked at Toffee who was staring at me and the expression on her face frightened me. Was she jealous? It was hardly my fault that her owner had used me! I did as commanded and rolled over, showing my belly, tucking my “front paws” in close to my body but away from my breasts and opened my “hind legs” wide.
I hoped that she would lick and kiss me as she had before. I hoped that Mr. Kozlov would allow me to orgasm under her tongue. But I had a horrible feeling that wasn’t what was about to happen.
I let out a piercing yelp as Toffee began to nip and bite at my tummy, breasts and then nipples. I knew I had to stay in position but it hurt so much that I couldn’t help squirming and trying to get away from her.
“Now now, Toffee, don’t take it out on poor Doggy!” I looked up at the man, hoping he would call her off me. But he turned to Mr. Kozov and said, “I do apologize. I should have known she’d do this but I couldn’t help myself; your puppy is so fucking hot.” I yelped even more loudly as Toffee bit down hard on one of my nipples. “But she does tend to get aggressive when provoked like that.”
“I thought you said you’d never had to punish her for biting.” Mr. Kozlov was laughing, not bothered at all that I was scared and in pain.
“And I haven’t. Maybe she thought I was being aggressive and decided to copy me. Maybe she felt threatened.” He shrugged. “They’re simple but loyal animals. I can’t punish her for that.”
“Of course not. And I’m sure my Doggy doesn’t mind, do you? Come for us now to show just how much you’re enjoying all this.”
Fear and panic spread through me at his words. He expected me to have an orgasm like this? To come with this crazy woman nipping, biting and almost chewing my nipples off?
Mr. Kozlov continued, “I think she may need a little something extra though. Perhaps you’d like to taste her while Toffee ‘plays’ with her belly.”
The other man burst out laughing. “Oh you are twisted! But sure, I’d love to. You do realize that Toffee could get even more aggressive towards Doggy if I do that?”
“Stand, Doggy,” Mr. Kozlov said.
I gratefully pulled myself away from Toffee as she continued to try her best to nip and bite at me.
“Arch your back and offer yourself to the gentleman. Toffee will lie on the floor below your breasts. Dip your body so that she can reach you if she feels she needs to express her adorable canine self.”
I did as instructed, dreading what was about to happen.
“And, Doggy,” Mr. Kozlov continued. “I expect you to orgasm for the gentleman. If you don’t, you will be punished severely.”
All I could do was try my hardest to concentrate on what the man was doing to me and block out the pain from Toffee’s teeth. Unfortunately, he wasn’t as skilled with his tongue as Mr. Kozlov or even Toffee or maybe he just wasn’t trying but I was sure I’d never orgasm like that. Actually, I think he wasn’t trying. He may prefer a willing role-play partner for his own puppy but he was very happy to make someone else’s ‘dog’ suffer.
Every time he let out a sigh or moan Toffee would sink her teeth into my soft, delicate, and now very sore flesh. I became more and more convinced that he was doing it on purpose.
I looked up at Mr. Kozlov, knowing he wouldn’t do anything to hep me but not knowing what else to do.
He smiled at me, such a strange smile that I couldn’t read.
“Poor Doggy. Look at me. Look at me and don’t look away.” I fell into his eyes and disappeared. “That’s it. Yes, Doggy, my sweet, sweet Clara.”
I let out a soft whimper. Had I heard correctly? Had he just called me Clara?
I could barely feel Toffee’s biting now. Or rather, I could feel it but her nips were like kisses. The man’s tongue between my legs was suddenly warmer, faster, stronger, and felt oh so good.
Mr. Kozlov smiled at me and I began to pant. He licked his lips slowly and then, in my mind, it was his mouth between my legs; his tongue licking me.
Still fixing his beautiful eyes, mine grew wider as I suddenly realized I was going to come after all. His smile broadened.
“That’s it Doggy, come for me. Show me how happy you are to be my plaything, my pet, my toy. Whatever I want you to be, you are. You are nothing unless I, or one of the gentlemen, give you permission to be that thing. You agree, don’t you, Doggy? You are nothing but what we say you are. Lifeless unless we give you life. Come for me now and show me you know what I’m saying is true.”
I howled. I lifted my head like a wolf and howled as the orgasm hit me from every angle possible. Toffee’s biting instantly intensified but it only made my climax stronger and stronger. The man’s tongue played still and he began pumping his fingers into me and I bucked, yelping, howling, barking so loudly I was sure people would come running to see what poor animal was being slaughtered.
And I didn’t care. I didn’t care who saw me, who was witness to my humiliation. All I knew and all that mattered was Mr. Kozlov’s voice swirling around my brain, telling me that he was proud of me, happy with me, that I was his Doggy, and such a good puppy, cute, adorable and well behaved.
Finally the orgasm died down. I heard laughter, voices, footsteps and I realized that Toffee and the man were no longer there. Everything was blurred. I looked around, searching for Mr. Kozlov and felt a hand on my head that I knew was his. I looked up.
Mr. Kozlov was still sitting on the bench. His face was unreadable. Was he really pleased with me or would he be angry that I had taken too long to orgasm? I somehow managed to remain in position, not daring to move, although all I wanted to do was collapse onto the grass. It seemed as though every orgasm I had with Mr. Kozlov was stronger than the last and I wondered if it were possible to die from coming. I knew that technically he hadn’t actually been the one touching me but it was definitely he who had brought me to orgasm.
“Go back inside the house now and get cleaned up. Once you’ve washed you may walk upright again and remove the tail. But you won’t be human. You are only what the gentlemen say you are. An object. Not even an animal unless it pleases us.”
I searched his eyes for any sign of compassion, of happiness or pleasure but saw only cold distance. Had I imagined his warm coaxing, the passion in his voice? I had no idea. But if they had been there they were gone now and he was sending me away.
I barked once for yes, agreeing that I was indeed merely an object. I didn’t really believe it yet, or did I? I felt so empty suddenly and I realized that the only way I would ever feel complete, useful, or real was if Mr. Kozlov, or any or the Gentlemen, decided that I had a use and generously permitted me to serve them so I could be put to that use.
Hoping that would be soon so that I could be rid of this awful hollow feeling, I moved on very sore knees towards the house. The only thing that made me happy was imagining Mr. Kozlov’s smile as he watched my bare bottom and tail swaying softly. I crawled as slowly as possible and tried as hard as I could to not hear his footsteps on the gravel path as he walked off swiftly in the opposite direction.