Sigh! He left me another note! I woke up from a nap to find another little note from SeaHawk. (I don’t always get to sleep the whole night, I’m sure you can figure out why, so I’m not ashamed to say that I take naps when and where I can.) This one reads:
“Greetings, lovely blonde submissive. I have been tied up with things, but I have not forgotten. I would really like to have you with my collar, and in my chains.”
Oh wow! So, he’s very serious about taking me away from the Retreat. But, what does he mean exactly, when he says collar and chains? I’m not sure I’d like that; it sounds very uncomfortable. And, it’s really strange, but now that the possibility of leaving here is real, I… you know… I’m not even sure I want to go!!!
Isn’t that crazy? I think it’s just fear of the unknown. I’m scared now. I don’t even know this man and he’s going to take me to his house and keep me there. In chains? In collar? What am I, a dog?
Hmmm. I need to think this through. Oh wow, now that’s a scary thought: Do I have the choice? What if he’s already spoken to Mr. Negulesco and they’ve already made a deal. The idea of just going, of never seeing any of these people again… of not even getting to say goodbye…
What about Alex? I was just started to make a real friend. I can’t leave her! Maybe SeaHawk would want to bring her too but, would I want that? Oh gosh, so many questions. I really don’t know about this. And then there’s Sir Liam and the other men who have been so nice to me recently. And the strange, mysterious and very intriguing Sir Jeff. I want to see them again!
And, oh, the idea that Mr. Negulesco would just let me go really hurts. Yes, of course he scares me and sometimes I hate him so much and everything and I want nothing more than to run away and never see him again. But other times, I almost feel as though he’s protecting me, looking out for me, teaching me.
Oh I don’t know! It’s all too confusing. I’ll just wait and see what happens. Hopefully I will see either SeaHawk or Mr. Negulesco soon and I can ask them what is happening.
I’ll keep you posted, sweet diary! And don’t worry, whatever happens you’re coming with me.
Clara xxxSee More of Charlotte & Clara: