Chloe Camilla is a fascinating woman. If you are a fan of Kink.com you will no doubt have seen her there but, unless you have also been to her website, you probably won’t know that porn is only a small part of what she does. Chloe is cute, multi-talented and has an extremely interesting career and I am so excited that she has accepted to be interviewed for ForceFantasy.com!
~ ~ ~
Charlotte Gatto: You describe yourself as a “queer femme-inist sex educator, sex worker, performance artist, model, and writer”. Which of these roles do you enjoy the most, and why?
Chloe Camilla: I love all of them! I am happiest when I get to write and create performances that reflect my political beliefs and promote learning for both my audiences and me. I feel so grateful that I don’t have to choose and that I have been able to construct a life in which so many important elements of who I am and what I love get to be explored.
CG: It’s true that not everyone can claim to love his or her job. It’s a wonderful thing to enjoy what we are doing all day!
The workshops on your website look fascinating. Which groups of people usually book these workshops? Have you ever had a surprising or funny reaction from someone in attendance?
CC: Thanks! I have taught workshops to all sorts of people – from youth community organizers to medical students, and from nervous college first-years to excited adult swingers. Right now, I’m primarily teaching at adult stores and a variety of sex-positive spaces, but I hope to get back into college and young adult settings soon.
My favorite recent response was from an employee of one of the sex stores at which I taught. She came up to me after my “Girl on Girl” workshop and said, “Before your workshop, I thought I was straight, but now I’m so excited to get out there and try having sex with a woman!” That to me was a huge success!
CG: What advice would you give to people who are afraid of their sexual fantasies, or who feel guilty that they get excited by the fantasy of being taken by force?
CC: First off, I reassure people that it’s entirely common – so many folks have fears, anxieties, and guilt around their sexual desires, orientation, performance, etc. As humans, we tend to layer our fears and anxieties – we feel bad about the fact that we feel bad. So we have to try to let that go and accept ourselves for where we are in our emotional and sexual processes. Sometimes just telling ourselves that it’s okay to feel the way we feel, while knowing that we can also work towards something else, makes a big difference.
Then the next thing that I would tell folks is to try to find ways to feel comfortable with themselves – maybe by journaling about their fantasies, or recording voice memos, masturbating while thinking about their fantasies, whatever will make them feel good. Hopefully they can do this in a safe and private space, knowing that it might take one night, or several sessions, or months, or longer, to be more comfortable. Sharing the desires with someone they trust can be a scary but powerful next step. I also recommend that anyone who can afford it (and many cities have low cost options) consider seeing a sex positive therapist. Qualified sex therapists are great resources to help us deal with these challenging issues.
CG: Sound advice.
What’s the most shocking, weird, funny or surprising thing you have been asked to do, either professionally, personally, or both?
CC: I don’t think much shocks me! Especially when I was webcam modeling, I would hear “you’re going to think this is so dirty/freaky/pervy/weird…” all the time, and then they would say something that I had heard before or that really wasn’t that strange. I suppose one of the beautiful things about our internet age is that we can feel less alone with ourselves and the ostensibly shocking, weird, funny, and surprising or contradictory aspects of ourselves. Part of what I love about hearing about people’s hidden desires is that it provides such insight into our unlimited imaginations. The creativity we stifle in ourselves (in the bedrooms and elsewhere) is astounding. I want to help people let that out – more often than not it’s really beautiful, even it might be dark.
CG: What is, in your opinion, the ideal romantic and sexual relationship? Monogomous, polyamorous, open, etc…
CC: I think the ideal romantic and sexual relationship is one that calls us to be our best selves, the most free, giving, and ecstatic person we can be. I believe relationships should be thrilling, passionate, full of love, trust, and respect, and supported by caring and honest communication. I think we can have all of those things in a variety of forms – from a “one night stand” to a long term committed relationship, be it monogamous or polyamorous. We have so many models of failed relationships – divorces, infidelity, unhappy marriages, etc – in our personal lives and in popular culture, that it becomes even more critical for us to do the work to figure out and craft what we do what. I hope for a world where there’s more space for people to be supported in their nontraditional families and romantic and sexual arrangements.
I do feel strongly that “the couple” as a fundamental unit of society is inherently flawed. Putting the burden of running a house, making an income, raising a family, and caring for each other’s every need on just two people seems doomed to fail! I believe we need to foster families and communities (whether that means extended polyamorous networks, biological multi-generational families, or other kinds of kinship arrangements) to care for each other better and to promote success in our intimate relationships.
I think we should value friendships and family and all our relationships as much as we do the romantic and sexual ones in our culture.
CG: It could well be that quite simply, when it comes to relationship types, one size does not fit all.
You said you love what you do but, if you could choose absolutely any career, which would it be?
CC: I feel like I’m living the dream workwise, so that’s very lucky! But if I could somehow have a permanent job that let me make art and be political in the ways I want to be without worrying about money, I would definitely take it. If only I lived in the era of the patron!
CG: I’m a big fan of the Sex and Submission site on Kink.com. I was really impressed by your shoot “Summer Job for a Whore” because it’s exactly the sort of porn I love to watch (and so rarely find). It was one of the first scenes I saw on the site and it made me want to come back for more. How did you start working for Kink.com?
CC: Thanks! I hadn’t actually heard of them until a friend recommended I check them out (I wanted to produce non-vanilla content). I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that I hadn’t watched any porn until I started making it… Kink.com has a great reputation as a professional company that treats their employees and models super well and with the utmost respect. I adore so many of the directors, people in production, executives, and my fellow performers there.
CG: Yes, I’ve heard really good things about the company too, which is another reason I like their site. What sexual activity do you most enjoy doing on camera?
CC: Anything that’s totally out there and that I wouldn’t be able to do at home (like that Device Bondage shoot where I was bolted to a ceiling!)
CG: Wow, fun! I’ll have to watch that one!
CC: I love to read. I’ve lost and found myself inside books time and time again since I was a kid. There is so much beauty and so many new worlds to explore! I haven’t had a TV in years, but you’ll rarely see me without a book in my bag. A perfect day off to me is a sunny day, coffee, a good book, and friends. I also love cooking dinner for my girlfriend, going out dancing, exploring foreign cities, and lazing at the beach.
CG: Sounds pretty perfect to me too!
What’s the most common misconception that people have about the porn industry in general, and you specifically?
CC: I think it’s easy for folks to reduce porn performers to one dimension – to purely sexualized bodies for viewers’ consumption. When my ex boyfriend from high school found out I now make porn he said, “When I first found out, I couldn’t watch porn for three days, because I realized those girls were somebody’s first girlfriend ever!” I’ll let you think about all of the ways that statement is disturbing…
I meet a lot of badass multidimensional people in the industry. They are savvy entrepreneurs, dedicated caretakers, talented violin players, devoted mothers, successful writers, passionate activists, enthusiastic educators, and a whole range of other things. Sometimes they don’t want to share this with their fans – people want private lives, of course – but I think it’s still important for people to realize.
I also think that the way we demean sexuality in our culture leads some people to think that sex workers don’t deserve respect – that their choice of career is unworthy or naïve or the result of a lack of choices or their own stupidity. We also put a big emphasis on sex being private – we’re not supposed to even talk about it with other people let alone do it in public! So us people who feel open about our sexuality and are willing to share it are certainly in a minority.
I think the most common misconception I hear is that “something bad must have happened in my life to drive me to this.” It is for some reason so hard for people to imagine that a smart, well-educated, multitalented person would choose to make money by having sex on camera.
If I could tell people that I have an extremely well paying job that I love, that challenges and interests me, where I get treated with respect, get to set my own boundaries, choose my own working hours, and have so much fun, they would congratulate me! But as soon as they know it’s any form of sex for money (because I think this can be true for escorts and other forms of sex workers as well as porn performers), they find it impossible to believe.
CG: If you could change the way society in general tends to think of sex as taboo, would you?
CC: Yes, most definitely, in part because of all of the things I touched on in the previous question. This is high on my list of political goals. Sex can be such an empowering and joyful part of human expression, and I think it is terrible that society demeans and stigmatizes it. If we taught our young people about consent, sexual health, and other forms of healthy sexual expression, they (and we) would be much better off. I especially want to change the conditions that seek to stifle and punish female sexuality, as this hurts and in no way protects women. Lastly, as a cultural producer, I want to create more images of the beautiful diversity of queer sexual expression.
CG: Do you get recognized in the street and if so, how do people react? How do you react?
CC: Yeah, I do! People are always excited and super sweet. I enjoy it when people compliment my work, and I especially appreciate when they know how to be polite about it (and refrain from asking me about personal information, for example.)
CG: Yes, I can imagine that you wouldn’t much appreciate being asked personal questions in the middle of the street by a complete stranger!
What are your career plans for the future?
CC: Keep on doing what I’m doing, and possibly pursue a Master’s in Education or Human Sexuality on the way. In my lifetime, I’d also like to contribute to the total destruction of patriarchy and capitalism, and really all forms of oppression, but perhaps that’s a little ambitious!
CG: Ah, but it’s good to have ambitions, and these are marvelous ones! What are your personal plans for the future?
CC: Remain head over heels in love, have babies, travel the world, take care of the people I love, create beauty, and express gratitude every day.
Is there a question you would have liked me to ask? If you have anything you’d like to add, please feel free to do so!
CC: No, I think I talked enough! Thanks so much for having me on your site. I love to see sexually empowered women sharing their voices!
~ ~ ~