Little nibbles. Soft nibbles. Just every now and then. When I’m nervous; when I’m concentrating; when I’m bored.
No harm, right? No real damage. It’ll heal.
It’s natural. Other people do it. I’ve seen them.
It just feels so nice. So comforting. Sort of like a socially acceptable thumb sucking.
I should probably stop. It can’t be good for me. Can’t be good for the skin.
But it feels so nice. So good.
So I keep biting.
Until it hurts. Until it bleeds.
Sharp pain. Dull throbbing.
So good. So relaxing. So comforting.
I can’t stop.
It hurts so much now. I must stop; must let it heal. If I stop biting now, it’ll heal more quickly. The damage isn’t too deep yet.
But now it hurts when I stop. A throbbing pain that only goes away when I bite down. So I do. Just lightly. Just enough to stop it hurting.
It hurts so much and feels so good.
I can’t stop. It feels too good.
I’m never going to be able to stop.
I try wearing lip gloss. I try chewing gum. But it doesn’t help. It’s there, always there. How can I resist a temptation that is always right there? So innocently, so conveniently, always just there?
Sleep. The only way I can resist is to be asleep.
The next morning my lip is swollen and painful.
I’m good all day. I resist.
The swelling has gone down by the evening. I’m exhausted after a long day. I sit at my computer. Alone at last. Free time at last.
Just one bite?
Just one, tiny, nibble.
Just one, okay? I promise it’ll just be one.
See More of Charlotte & Clara: