A lot has been written about the rape fantasy. There are many very interesting articles online which discuss why a person may have these particular sexual fantasies and how common they are among men and women. Statistics vary hugely depending on which study you look at but what I would like to discuss here is the difference between a woman’s rape fantasy and a man’s.
What is the origin of this particular fantasy and is it the same thing for men as it is for women? Is it triggered by something that happens to us in our childhood or is it a part of our personalities? If we embrace and enjoy the fantasy (not all people do) what function does it play in our lives?
For women, the argument is often put forward that the rape fantasy allows us to enjoy sex guilt-free. The theory is that a religious upbringing, or the fact that society frowns on women enjoying sex, causes us to feel that we are wrong to want it. But, as we do very much want it, this sexual fantasy allows us to get what we want and enjoy it without feeling any of guilt. Alternatively, it has been argued that the rape fantasy is, for women, simply a natural urge to be taken and impregnated by a man, much in the same way that happens in the animal kingdom. Perhaps it is a huge ego boost; the man is so over-come with passion and lust for the woman that he can no longer control himself so he takes what he wants whether she agrees or not.
For men, some claim that the rape fantasy is triggered by a strict childhood upbringing where the boy felt helpless against a domineering mother. He may have thought that his father was not the strong, masculine figure that he was “supposed” to be. This theory suggests that such a fantasy allows the man to regain control over women and perhaps also get revenge for how he and his father were treated. Another point of view has been put forward saying that men fantasize about taking a woman by force because, in so doing, they are free to act as they please and are thus not burdened by the fear that the woman will not be impressed by the man’s sexual skills.
Do women ever fantasize about raping another woman or a man? How common is the rape fantasy among men who dream of being taken by force by a woman or another man?
For women the focus is often on the sex; on being forced to submit to and perform many various sexual acts. The excitement comes from giving over control to someone else and being able to enjoy what is happening without having to worry about whether we should be enjoying it or not. It also allows the woman to experience new and possibly frightening activities without having to ask for or orchestrate them.
For men, according to the articles I found on the subject, the aspect of the fantasy they find the most exciting is the control, the power they have over the helpless female. It is said that real rape has nothing whatsoever to do with sex and maybe there is a little truth in that also when it comes to the rape fantasy. Although I find it hard to imagine that men are not aroused by the sexual aspect of the fantasy as well as the dominance.
Agree? Disagree? I would love to hear your thoughts!
A little research into how common the rape fantasy is among men and women:
A very interesting article by David J. Ley, Ph.D, published on PyschologyToday.com states that, “… as many as 25-40% of women endorsing some form of this fantasy, at least once in their lives.” (click here for the article) In an article on Details.com, Anna David writes, “In a 2009 study published in the Journal of Sex Research that evaluated female undergraduates at the University of North Texas, 62 percent of the women admitted to having rape fantasies.” (click here for the article ) An article on FindArticles.com says, “Overall, there are nine reports of the percentage of women who have had rape fantasies, with these estimates ranging from 31% to 57%.” (click here for the article)
And among men? Statistics are a little harder to come by, but Wikipedia says that, “45.8% of men in a 1980 study reported fantasizing during heterosexual intercourse about “a scene where [they had] the impression of being raped by a woman” (3.2% often and 42.6% sometimes); 44.7% of scenes where a seduced woman “pretends resisting” and 33% of raping a woman.” (click here for the article) An excellent article on WordiQ claims that, “It is estimated that 24% of men and 36% of women have had a rape fantasy, and 10% of women report this is their favorite type of fantasy.” (click here for the article)
(Edit June 2016: I wrote this article a while ago and some of the above links are not longer good. I will try and update them at another time.)