Today’s lovely surprise has proven to me that all is not bad; all is not always gloom and doom! Even though I’m basically a prisoner in this house, held here against my will and hating practically every moment of it. Even though I cry myself to sleep most nights, dreaming of the day I will be free. Even though if and when I do finally get free I’ll never be able to forget all the awful things I have seen and experienced here. Despite all this, sometimes something happens that adds a teeny-tiny, minuscule and minute ray of sunshine into my otherwise horrible day.
And today that ray shone very brightly!
I’m not sure what I did to deserve such a reward but I have been allowed to start my own website. My very own website! It’s so exciting I can’t believe it!
This morning a man woke me up. That’s not uncommon and I was immediately wide awake and terrified. I didn’t recognize him and I had no way of knowing if he was one of the nice ones or the cruel ones so I prepared myself for fear and pain. He told me to get up and follow him. I did so, shaking, and we went to a room in the house I hadn’t visited before.
I looked around the room, scared there would be other men waiting or some awful piece of furniture that I would soon be painfully tied to. It was a small room, with one tiny window and a wooden desk and chair that had both once been painted white but were now mostly bare wood again. I looked at the man, waiting for him to speak, still not knowing what was going to happen to me. He told me to go and sit on the chair and then followed me as I did so. After sitting down, I saw that there was a notepad, pen, and a very thin laptop on the desk. I looked up at the man, puzzled. He leaned over, opened up the laptop and turned it on.
The man then began to explain to me that I was to use this computer to make a website. I wasn’t allowed to do anything else online but I could come here whenever I was free. He told me the website could be about anything I wanted. When I started to say that I was very happy and grateful but that I had no idea where to even start making a website the man just shrugged and said, “You’ll figure it out. Or you won’t. Not my problem.” And he left.
That was this morning. It’s now evening, judging by the pretty setting sun I can see out of the little window and I’ve been working all day! I’ve just realized that I’m very hungry and I should eat soon but now that I’ve gotten this far and figured out how to make it work, I couldn’t leave without writing my first post!
Oh. Now I’m here I’m not really sure what to write!
I have my very own website up and running, but what am I going to put on it? I guess I can post about what happens to me and what I’m feeling; sort of like an online diary. I think that’s what a lot of blogs are and it would certainly be very therapeutic for me to have somewhere to express myself. I don’t have anyone here, in the real world, with whom I dare express my real feelings. I have a few friends and there are a couple of very special friends I sometimes want to confide in. But that is a scary idea. I think writing is safer.
So, here I am, Clara Woodford, with my online-diary-blog-website! It’s so exciting!!! Of course I’ll have to be careful to use passwords and security and such so that no one can read what I write. Who, in that case, am I writing to? Well you, of course, my dear friend! You, my imaginary sister, my inner-self, my future me. And I will tell you everything! All the good and bad, ups and downs, highs and lows of my strange life here, captive at the Gentleman’s Retreat.
Just to be on the safe side, I think I will also use the notepad and pen. I can write things down first on paper and then type them up on my website so that I have a hard copy in case the computer breaks.
And one day I will look back on this nightmare and I will remember my days locked up but I will smile because I will be free and happy. Until then, my dear friend, I will write to you knowing that each day I write brings me one day closer to that freedom and happiness.
Clara xxxSee More of Charlotte & Clara: