The Punishments

Oh no! No no no no no!

I fell asleep. I can’t believe it but it’s true and now I have only a few hours to finish writing up everything that has happened since Taun brought me back to his place. I don’t have time to think. Just write. You can do it, Clara. Just write.

So, where was I when I left off? That’s right. Chained right here, spread eagle on this over-sided cushion.

Taun had left to go sleep and told me to rest in preparation for my punishment. Or rather, my punishments. In the plural. I was sure I would never sleep with that thought looming over me but I must have eventually dropped off because the next thing I remember is the smell of bacon filling my nostrils and when I opened my eyes daylight was streaming into the room.

I tried to move or even just stretch a little but the chains still held me taut. I lifted my head and saw Taun busy in the kitchen. I wanted to call to him but, remembering the rules, stayed silent. The delicious aroma of croissants mingling with the mouthwatering scent of bacon made my stomach start to grumble. I couldn’t believe I actually felt hungry.

Finally Taun walked over and to my relief he was carrying a tray of food. He placed the tray on the floor, tantalizingly close to my mouth, then began to loosen the chains that held my wrists.

“Good morning, baby. Did you sleep well? Actually, I don’t really care. You don’t deserve a good night’s sleep yet. But you will earn that right, don’t worry. Sit up. I’m going to feed you some breakfast and I don’t want you choking on your food.”

I sat up, with a little difficulty as my body ached from lying in exactly the same position all night. I looked with longing at the plate of food.

Taun sat down on the side of the cushion next to me and held the plate on his lap. With a fork, he began to feed me small mouthfuls of bacon, sausage,  and scrambled eggs with buttered toast then helped me take small sips from a glass of delicious, freshly pressed orange juice. I wondered what had happened to the croissants that I could still smell, but of course didn’t dare ask.

“So Clara,” Taun said, as I chewed my food. “Your punishments begin today. You will suffer for what you did to me but paying for your mistakes is not the only reason you are being punished. You need to learn that you belong to me; that I own your body, mind, and soul. You are mine, Clara. You do not get to just walk away and tell some other random guy you love him. You belong with me; to me. Do you understand?”

I nodded. The food, so delicious at first, had now turned to sand in my mouth.

Just then, Taun’s cell phone rang.

He listened for a short while then nodded and said, “Yes, now is fine. I’ll meet you at the door in five minutes.” He hung up and then turned back to me. “Lie down Clara, breakfast is over.”

I did as he said, hoping that the fear growing in my belly wouldn’t cause me to throw up everything I had just eaten. Taun pulled the chains taut so I was once again lying flat and open, then walked to the kitchen taking the tray and what was left of the food with him.

I waited, listening, wondering who had just called. After only a few minutes I heard voices and then steps. Lifting my head I watched as Taun approached with two other men. Despite the obvious impossibility of success, I tried desperately to close my legs, and began struggling in the leather cuffs. The three men stood at my feet, looking me up and down. Continue reading →

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About Elust

Elust 88

Hi Clara’s Diary,

You’ll notice that the post below is a little different to the usual diary post from Clara or note from me. Let me explain why it’s there.

Thanks to Nick from My Dissolute Life, I recently discovered a website called e[lust]. It’s a monthly digest of sex blogs and works in a similar way to Six Sentence Sunday. By submitting a story, poem or article, the author agrees to publish the digest on his or her blog. It’s an excellent way to discover new and interesting websites.

Go take a look; it’s well worth checking out!


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Elust 92

Elust 92 Header
Photo courtesy of Steeled Snake

Welcome to Elust 92

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #93 Start with the rules, come back April 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!


~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Feeling Forced

NEEDY – a black obsession



~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

“One Man Is Not Enough For You.”


~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Safewords in Kink Life and in Kink Fiction

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!


Erotic Fiction

The Anatomy Lesson
Town whore Continue reading →

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Taun Returns

I can hardly move.

I don’t think I want to move anyway, so that’s okay. I have screamed, cried, struggled and begged for days and I have no strength left to do anything except lie here, completely broken.

Taun came to get me! Yes, my dear, sweet friend, he came to the Retreat, took me home and…

And my life has been a living hell and a waking nightmare since that day, probably a few weeks ago now but I have no way of knowing. I mean, I can see if it’s day or night but I have no idea how many days have passed because I wasn’t even conscious for some of the time and it’s not as if I get tucked in at night and woken up gently each morning.

So, what happened? If Taun came to get me, why isn’t my life wonderful and amazing and perfectly happy? Because of that stupid DVD, that’s why! At least, that’s what Taun is blaming his rage on but he also seems extremely angry that I walked off in the middle of the night and ended up back at the Retreat. But at least that one mystery is solved. I didn’t know how I had gotten to the Retreat because it’s much too far for me to walk and it’s not like I could take a bus or train there in my sleep! Apparently, I’d wandered out of Taun’s house half-asleep, half in a daze, and some man had found me and asked me my name and address and all I’d said was something like, “I’m Clara, from the Gentleman’s Retreat.” So the man had done some asking around and found someone who knew Mr. Negulesco who said he’d come get me and take me home.

Why hadn’t Mr. Negulesco told Taun sooner that I was there? Why hadn’t Taun come earlier to look for me there? I haven’t been able to ask these questions yet but I have a theory that Mr. Neguelsco was very happy to just let me stay at the Retreat for a while, not because he likes me, but because some of the gentlemen do. I guess. At least they like hurting me.

Anyway, it seems that after Mr. Kozlov made that edited version of the video from our “romantic” night together Mr. Negulesco decided to send it to Taun (although I don’t know if he was doing so because Mr. Kozlov asked him to or whether it was his own idea). In any case, once Taun had seen the video he was furious and drove straight to the Retreat. Why had it taken seeing that video to make him come and get me? Had he been happy to let me suffer there at the hands of those awful men and only wanted to get me back when he thought I was happy and in love with one of them? Or did he really not know that I was there before the video footage proved it? Maybe he had phoned Mr. Negulesco to ask him and he’d lied. I doubt I’ll ever know the truth and it doesn’t really matter as it won’t change anything for me right now.

Right now, I just have to figure out how to survive until Taun has decided that I have paid off my debt to him and also convinced him that I can be trusted. Oh, and of course I also have the meeting with Mr. Negulesco to look forward to tomorrow, during which apparently he and Taun will finalize the details of my sale. Such fun times…

Being sold to Taun, to live with him and be used by only him, would have been almost a dream come true, a few weeks ago. Taken from the hands of cruel strangers at the Retreat into the arms of a man who likes me and who treats me as a human being was something I would have agreed to in a heartbeat. But now, if being owned by Taun means that I will suffer the way I have for the past few weeks, then I think I want to go back to the Retreat. At least there, some days I am left in peace and some times the men are kind; here every day and night is pain and cruelty.

I’m sorry, my long-suffering friend, you are probably completely confused by my tale of woe. Let me back up a little and tell you what happened. Continue reading →

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The Anatomy Lesson

Sexy man with beautiful eyesWell, obviously, I did wake up.

Oh my dearest, closest friend, whatever am I going to do? There must be a way for me to get out of the hell I’m living but if there is I just can’t see it. I know that Mr. Kozlov will be back once again at some point, although it has been probably over a week now and, as always, I dream that he has found some other occupation to keep him more permanently away from the Retreat.

Or perhaps some misfortune? An accident? Do I wish ill of him? It’s hard to say. It’s true I hate him and fear him and yet… there is something about his eyes and… No! I have to stop thinking like that. It’s only because I know I can’t avoid him that I’m trying to make him into something he is not. But when he touches me it’s… it’s just… I don’t know! There is something about him that I can’t understand. It’s not like Mr. Negulesco. But it’s kind of similar in a way.

Anyway, no, I wouldn’t want something bad to happen to Mr. Kozlov, despite all the awful things he has done to me, but I do wish he wouldn’t visit me anymore. I am so scared of him. When I see Mr. Negulesco I feel joy (and fear, but there is always that joy too); when I see Mr. Kozlov I am just scared. There is no happiness at all when I am with him (unless of course he is tricking me into thinking he likes me which I would like to say will never happen again but he is so clever that I bet he could fool me all over again if he wanted to). No, there is no happiness at the site of Mr. Kozlov but… there is something else. I don’t want to say it but I will tell you my secret friend. I think he excites me. Oh my goodness, I can’t believe I have admitted that! Yes, I think that part of me, although scared he will hurt me, actually wants to spend time with him just in case he makes me feel good. I can’t let that be true! How has he done that to me? Is it because he terrifies me so much that, when he is actually good to me it makes everything feel even more amazing?

I don’t know. But I have to get away from him. I have to find a way to leave here. Maybe another of the gentlemen will take a liking to me and buy me? Or… Taun.

I can’t stop thinking of Taun and what could have been. The more I think about it the less I understand. If only Vince hadn’t kidnapped me, things would have been fine. But everything went wrong after that. If I ever get the chance to see Taun again I will be so good, so sweet and wonderful to him he’ll nickname me sugar, or honey, or something cute like that!!!

But, I haven’t written to you today to tell you these things, my lovely confidante. (Well, I suppose I have, but I mean that I have other things to tell you as well!) I did in fact see Mr. Kozlov again last night and I need to tell you about that.

He found me walking around outside and as usual he just seemed to appear next to me, say my name, and startle me half to death. Does he do that on purpose? I have no idea but I wouldn’t be surprised. He seems to enjoy making me react especially if it’s a particularly uncomfortable reaction for me.

We chatted for a while and I tried my best to avoid his eyes. If he is being nice to me it’s difficult enough but if I make the mistake of looking into his eyes then I am lost.

He asked me if I wanted to stay outside or go somewhere more private. Well, that was an easy question to answer! As much as being alone with Mr. Kozlov is frightening, being with him and others too is even worse so I quickly said that I’d like to be in a room.

“Excellent! Then we’ll stay out here. Follow me. I believe there is some interesting equipment around the other side of the house and there will no doubt be a small crowd too.” Continue reading →

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A Public Spanking & Gang Bang

BDSM Dark Erotic Stories Spanking Do you think, my dear friend, that one day I will have some happy news to tell you? Maybe one day. But I doubt that day will be soon. It seems that every time I tell you things can’t get worse, they do exactly that.

I woke up in the corner of the room I had fallen asleep in after Mr. Kozlov’s cruel girlfriend experience. The events, emotions and most of all his final words to me before he walked out, came crashing into my consciousness as soon as I awoke and I began to shake. I had to avoid seeing him again! I had to do something to make sure he wouldn’t find me because I knew that the next time I saw him he was going to make me suffer more than ever. Each time it seemed to get worse. He doesn’t always hurt my body, but he always, always plays with my mind in such an impossibly cruel and hurtful way. And this last time he had hurt my heart too. Would he really edit the film and send a DVD to Taun? How would he know where to send it? Would Mr. Negulesco help him?

I didn’t know whether I was more afraid of the pain Mr. Kozlov could inflict upon my body or the torment he could put my mind, heart and soul through. But I did know that each time I saw him he would do one or both and I would have no choice but to fall and break each time.

It was almost a week before I saw him again. Luckily the other men I met were fairly normal; they just wanted sex and obviously didn’t care if I enjoyed myself or hated it. One man was interesting though. He didn’t tell me his name and he didn’t stay for very long but we chatted for a while next to the bookshelves in the living room area and he seemed nice. He smiled a lot. He kept asking me questions and seemed very amused by my answers and he even did as I asked a few times. I wish he had stayed longer.

I was beginning to relax, just slightly, and had started to think – to hope and pray – that Mr. Kozlov had gone away on a long business trip or found something or someone else more entertaining than torturing me.

I was sitting in the library reading a book, hoping the nice man who had been a little bit kind to me would find me again. I even managed to lose myself in the story the way I used to when I was little and would escape boredom by diving into an imaginary world and living there for a while. Boredom! Ha! That was the only thing I used to fear. Now I needed the escape from a reality that was far more terrifying.

I don’t know if I shivered from cold or fear, but even before I looked up I knew that the man standing in front of me, blocking the heat from the fireplace and casting a shadow over my soul, was Mr. Kozlov. I felt my heart beat stop and all blood drained from my face as I looked up, slowly, not wanting to see him but somehow feeling compelled to seek out his eyes. The man is a vampire. I swear he has done something to me. Vampires don’t exist. They don’t. But Mr. Kozlov is a vampire.

His kind smile and gentle voice made me want to cry. “Hello Clara. How have you been? I’m sorry I was away for so long. Have you missed me?”

I opened my mouth to speak but couldn’t make any words come out.

“Well, that’s okay, I can see you are overwhelmed by your emotions and that’s very touching. I have missed you very much and have been thinking about you. You know, maybe you’re not quite ready for that punishment after all.”

My eyes were lost in his pale pools of hypnosis. Was he really going to spare me? I managed to stand, trembling slightly, and mutter a shy, “Thank you.”

He nodded humbly. “You’re welcome, Clara. Yes, I think we need to postpone the punishment until your training is further advanced. Of course, I am happy to take on a large part of that training but I think it only fair that the other gentlemen be allowed to participate also.”

I watched, horrified, as Mr. Kozlov cleared his throat and then said in a loud voice, “Gentlemen of the Retreat. If any of you are interested in participating in this prisoner’s training please let me know. She is begging to be taken outside and used by as many of you as possible and I think it only fair we oblige her.” Continue reading →

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The Girlfriend Experience

And of course, as I predicted, I was not left alone to enjoy my new hair color in peace for very long. I have so much to tell you but before I shock you with any of my new misfortunes, I must continue my story about Mr. Kozlov and how he tricked me into thinking he liked me and that I liked him.

As I told you, he had instructed me to take a bath and prepare myself for our “date”. He had decided it would be fun for me to pretend that I really wanted him and that we were lovers. He had also warned me that he prefers brunettes and that I shouldn’t disappoint him in my preparations.

What should I do? As I soaked in the bath, his voice came across the room, reminding me to hurry. So I quickly got out of the tub, drained the water and started to look in the chest for clothing and in the vanity for makeup and something to make my hair brown. It shouldn’t have surprised me that I easily found everything I needed; it makes sense that the Mansion would be well equipped to allow the girls to quickly change their appearance to please whichever man they were with at that moment.

I found some semi-perminant, ready-to-use hair dye and, using gloves, I coated my hair with it before quickly rinsing it off. I hoped that if I didn’t leave it on too long it wouldn’t dye it too brown but when I looked in the mirror I was a very definite brunette. After blowdrying my hair I quickly put on some makeup and selected sexy underwear and a slinky dress that made wearing the underwear almost impossible but very necessary.

Finally I was ready, although I felt very far from being ready to be with Mr. Kozlov again. I peaked out from behind the room divider to see him sitting on the edge of the bed, typing on his phone. He looked deep in thought and I wondered if he was even aware of me but then he spoke, still looking at his phone.

“I am so looking forward to our date. I know you will be the perfect girlfriend and shower me with all your very genuine affection. You may even call me ‘Beloved’ since I am your favorite.” He looked up at me then and, putting his phone into his pocket, he motioned for me to come closer. “Don’t be shy, my darling, come over here where I can see you. And,” he added with a sickening grin, “I want the cameras to get a good angle on you. They will record your entire performance and after I am done editing it, we can send a copy to ‘Taub’, or whatever his name is, so he can see how easily your little heart is swayed and how quickly you have forgotten him and fallen head over heals in love with another man.” Continue reading →

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I’m Brunette!

I feel so much better! It’s probably because somehow, miraculously, I have managed to spend the last two whole days without being hurt, touched or even spoken to in fact. It has been wonderfully quiet at the Retreat and I have used the time to rest and relax.

As you know, Mr. Kozlov told me to change my hair color because he prefers brunettes. I didn’t want to risk just wearing a wig and so when I found some semi-permanent dye I decided to use it. I sobbed silently as I poured the gloopy brown liquid all over my pretty blond locks. I like my blond hair! I didn’t want to change it and certainly not just because some stupid man tells me he prefers brown hair. So go find a brunette to play with!

Hee hee, can you tell I’m in a good mood? Well I am! I feel all fiesty and strong and happy and although I very much doubt it will last past the next time a man uses me, I intend on enjoying it to the full while it’s here!

So anyway, I sludged (is that a word? I don’t think so but I like the soud of it and so I will use it! Copy write mine!!!) Yes, I sludged the hair dye all over my head as per the instructions and using gloves of course and then rinsed it out as quickly as I could before hurriedly blowdrying my hair. I looked in the mirror and sighed. The color was attractive and my hair was beautifully shiny but I hardly recognized myself. How far would Mr. Kozlov and the other men go in changing me and how much of the real me would I be allowed to keep? I dried my tears and started to look for some clothes to wear for my hot date – as he put it – with Mr. Kozlov and as I did so I consoled myself with the fact that the dye is supposed to be semi-permanent and I would wash my hair every day until it faded.

I won’t tell you right now all about what happened that evening, dear sweet friend. I am in too good a mood and I know that if I start to think about that night I will get very sad and depressed. I want to stay happy for a few moments more.

The reason I am writing today is just about my hair. I actually like it now! Yup! Yesterday I was able to take a long, hot soak in the tub again but this time I was alone in the room and no men were waiting for me to pretend to be their girlfriend! I shampooed and rinsed my hair several times and lots of dye came out but the color hasn’t really faded much. After a while I gave up and tried to just accept the fact that I’d be brunette for a while. I braided it to get it out of the way while it dried (I prefer not to use the hairdryer as it’s really bad for the hair) and when I looked in the mirror I was surprised to realize that I actually like the way I looked! I grabbed a camera (there are always cameras around the place, unfortunately) and took a few pics which I have attached here. What do you think? Kind of cute, no? I’m so modest!!!

Well, I think I’ll sign off now and go and take a short nap. I can’t imagine I’ll be lucky enough to get three evenings in a row to myself and so I may as well get some rest before the awfulness begins.

Love from your little brunettte buddy,

Clara xxx

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It Only Hurts All The Time

This can’t be real! This cannot be happening to me. Oh please let it all be a horrendous nightmare or crazed illusion from which I will awaken to find myself in Taun’s bed, loved and wanted, needed and cherished.

Of course the men here at the Retreat want and need me too. They want and need to watch me cry, scream and beg for mercy while they laugh and delight in ignoring my pleas.

Will I ever see Taun again? Will I feel his arms around me and his lips on mine? Probably not. And I can’t imagine I’ll find another man here as good as he was to me. I don’t know what has happened at the Retreat since I left. There used to be the cruel ones and the gentle ones; now there are only the cruel and the really, really cruel.

And ever since my stupid, messed up mind brought me back to this terrible place, I have spent every waking hour (and probably some of the time I am unconscious) with the most evil, most dangerous and most awful men that could ever exist. Even Mr. Negulesco, who has sometimes been kind to me, seems to hate me and only wants to see me suffer. And the other men? Some are strangers to me, new to the Retreat. Some I remember from before Taun took me away. But they are all awful.

You are not going to enjoy reading the next few entries, my poor sweet friend, but I know you care about me so I will share them with you.

Lat time I told you about what happened with Mr. Negulesco. At the end, after he had made me touch myself to orgasm as I lay naked on the floor surrounded by strangers, and he had forced me to say out loud how much I loved having a man’s body inside mine, he stood up from his armchair, laughed loudly, and told me he had a plane to catch. Then he was gone! He just left me there! I suppose I should have been grateful that he went; he could have done much worse to me. But he hurt me so badly by leaving me there, lying on the ground with my body hot and alive from the orgasm he had forced me to have and then rejecting me and walking away as though he had lost all interest and was ready to move onto something more fun. I’m not saying that I would have preferred him to have used me. I had begged him not to do that. What I’m saying is… oh, I don’t know! I think I just needed him to say he was happy with me and proud of me for obeying him so well. Couldn’t he have at least given me that?

After it became obvious he wasn’t going to come back, I found a quiet corner and cried myself to sleep, trying to be thankful that no men wanted to use me but only desperately aware of an emptiness I couldn’t fill.

I woke up the next day feeling utterly miserable, but with a faint hope that maybe today would be a little better than yesterday.

It was worse. Much worse.

Mr. Kozlov.

Yes, my diary, you remember him, I am sure you do. His name alone makes me tremble in fear so you can imagine what I felt when I saw him in the gardens of the Retreat. I had no time to try and hide; I knew he had seen me and he must have decided it would be fun to play with me for a while. Fun for him, I’m sure, but it has been days of torture for me. I’m not even sure how much time I have spent with him now and I have no idea when it will end. I don’t know if he will find me again later today but even if he doesn’t I have a horrible feeling that at least one of the other men who have been joining in his ‘fun’ will.

Where do I even start? I doubt I will be able to tell you everything in one go; there is too much and even if I am allowed enough free time I don’t think I could handle it. So I will break it up into different parts: The first part I will tell you about now. The second part, when he tricked me into falling for him and acting as though I were his girlfriend, thinking he liked me and actually feeling as though I liked him too. Then the third part, which has been by far the worst so far, where he took me around the house and the garden, finding other men to join in and torment me, forcing me to beg them to do awful things to me. Why does he do that? It’s so frightening and awful having men do sexual or painful things to me but when Mr. Kozlov forces me to beg for them it makes it so, so much worse. It seems to be his special brand of cruelty and it cuts so deep.

Continue reading →

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I’m lost. And I have lost everything.

Oh what has the Monster done to me to make me run away from safety and happiness and back into this hell I now call home? Maybe I can’t blame the Monster. Was it really him calling me away from Taun? Or has my mind been so messed up by these awful experiences that I know longer even know myself?

I don’t know what happened. The last thing I remember is going to sleep in Taun’s bed after writing to you. I fell very quickly into a very deep sleep. But I woke up here, at the Retreat. I don’t remember coming here; I would never have done that. I hate this place! Sort of…

Did my subconscious bring me here, sleepwalking my way back to this huge house and its terrible nightmares? Or did my Monster feel my yearning and take pity on me as he carried me gently away from Taun’s loving arms and dumped me, laughing, back at the Gentleman’s Retreat?

Whatever the truth – and I may never find out – I am here now and I can’t even begin to hope or dream that Taun will come for me again. He had told me quite clearly that I was free to leave him at any time but that if I ever came back to the Retreat he would not come and rescue me again. Will he believe me if I tell him that I didn’t come here of my own free will? Will I believe me?

Of course, while I try to figure things out I have lots to keep me occupied. And very little of it is good. At least this small room with the rickety wooden chair is still here and miraculously the laptop I was given so long ago to use is still up and running. I guess my subconscious didn’t see the need to bring my paper diary with me and it must still be at Taun’s house. I hope so. Maybe he will read it and see what a mess I am in and that I really do care for him a lot. I thought I had fallen in love with him and maybe I have but I don’t even want to think about that now. I don’t want to think about Taun at all; it is far too painful to be reminded of what I have lost.

Although the rooms here seem to be filled with men who want nothing but to hurt, humiliate and remind me that yesterday my life was a dream shared only with one man who cherished me; today it is a nightmare filled with countless men who don’t care at all about me except that I suffer as much as it pleases them to make me.

Almost as if he knew I would be coming “home” last night, Mr. Negulesco was sitting in one of the arm chairs in the lounge area of the Mansion. As I said, I had no idea how I got from Taun’s house to the Retreat; I woke up walking along the path towards those hateful heavy wooden doors. I was already pushing against them before I really understood what was going on and as I stepped inside the reality of where I was hit me along with the scent of sex. Continue reading →

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