I don’t think I want to move anyway, so that’s okay. I have screamed, cried, struggled and begged for days and I have no strength left to do anything except lie here, completely broken.
Taun came to get me! Yes, my dear, sweet friend, he came to the Retreat, took me home and…
And my life has been a living hell and a waking nightmare since that day, probably a few weeks ago now but I have no way of knowing. I mean, I can see if it’s day or night but I have no idea how many days have passed because I wasn’t even conscious for some of the time and it’s not as if I get tucked in at night and woken up gently each morning.
So, what happened? If Taun came to get me, why isn’t my life wonderful and amazing and perfectly happy? Because of that stupid DVD, that’s why! At least, that’s what Taun is blaming his rage on but he also seems extremely angry that I walked off in the middle of the night and ended up back at the Retreat. But at least that one mystery is solved. I didn’t know how I had gotten to the Retreat because it’s much too far for me to walk and it’s not like I could take a bus or train there in my sleep! Apparently, I’d wandered out of Taun’s house half-asleep, half in a daze, and some man had found me and asked me my name and address and all I’d said was something like, “I’m Clara, from the Gentleman’s Retreat.” So the man had done some asking around and found someone who knew Mr. Negulesco who said he’d come get me and take me home.
Why hadn’t Mr. Negulesco told Taun sooner that I was there? Why hadn’t Taun come earlier to look for me there? I haven’t been able to ask these questions yet but I have a theory that Mr. Neguelsco was very happy to just let me stay at the Retreat for a while, not because he likes me, but because some of the gentlemen do. I guess. At least they like hurting me.
Anyway, it seems that after Mr. Kozlov made that edited version of the video from our “romantic” night together Mr. Negulesco decided to send it to Taun (although I don’t know if he was doing so because Mr. Kozlov asked him to or whether it was his own idea). In any case, once Taun had seen the video he was furious and drove straight to the Retreat. Why had it taken seeing that video to make him come and get me? Had he been happy to let me suffer there at the hands of those awful men and only wanted to get me back when he thought I was happy and in love with one of them? Or did he really not know that I was there before the video footage proved it? Maybe he had phoned Mr. Negulesco to ask him and he’d lied. I doubt I’ll ever know the truth and it doesn’t really matter as it won’t change anything for me right now.
Right now, I just have to figure out how to survive until Taun has decided that I have paid off my debt to him and also convinced him that I can be trusted. Oh, and of course I also have the meeting with Mr. Negulesco to look forward to tomorrow, during which apparently he and Taun will finalize the details of my sale. Such fun times…
Being sold to Taun, to live with him and be used by only him, would have been almost a dream come true, a few weeks ago. Taken from the hands of cruel strangers at the Retreat into the arms of a man who likes me and who treats me as a human being was something I would have agreed to in a heartbeat. But now, if being owned by Taun means that I will suffer the way I have for the past few weeks, then I think I want to go back to the Retreat. At least there, some days I am left in peace and some times the men are kind; here every day and night is pain and cruelty.
I’m sorry, my long-suffering friend, you are probably completely confused by my tale of woe. Let me back up a little and tell you what happened. Continue reading →See More of Charlotte & Clara: