I didn’t know that could happen. I didn’t know I could feel like that and… oh I just don’t know where to begin!
Okay, I’ll try and explain. Last night I was standing in the hallway of the house, kind of staring at the Santa that’s there for the holidays and trying not to move or make a noise and to remain unnoticed. A man was standing close by and I really didn’t want him to see me. He looked a little different from the usual men here, although I can’t quite say why. Maybe it was the leather jacket. Was he wearing a leather jacket? Oh gosh I don’t even know now but there was something about him, or his clothes, or I don’t know but I didn’t want him to see me.
I failed. He started to talk to me and I felt the usual panic and dizziness that overwhelms me when a man I don’t know (or one I do know and don’t like which is most of the men here!) talks to me. Anyway, he called me to follow him and so I walked with him, as slowly as I could politely manage, over to the sitting room area. He used my name, which surprised me because I couldn’t remember having met him before. That worried me for a while because if I did know him but couldn’t remember him I could be in even more trouble. But he was so polite! He complimented me and was kind and gentle.
He asked me to sit with him, on his lap. Of course I didn’t want to but I knew I had to. I was wearing very thin clothing and I knew I’d be able to feel his rough clothes on my skin and – worse – his skin on my skin. As soon as I was sitting down he started to gently stroke my thigh. I tried to pull away from his touch, of course, even though it’s dangerous to do so I just can’t help it. I don’t to be touched by all these strange and mostly horrible men. But he kept touching me.
I started to shout at him and – I can’t believe I was brave enough to do so but I just got angry and scared – I started to really try and push him away and I kept saying no and I kept begging and telling him to stop. But, instead of getting angry or violent or anything he just, he just kept going. It was so strange. He just kept slowly, gently, touching and stroking me.
Then he had his fingers inside me and I was trying with all my might and all my strength to push him away but still he didn’t get angry; he didn’t even seem to notice. It was almost as though he could hear the inside of my body and not my exterior voice. He reacted as though I was loving what he was doing and, somehow, I don’t know what happened and it’s so very difficult to try and explain now in words but, it actually started to feel really, really good!
I remember my eyes felt heavy and it was almost as though I had been drugged but I know I wasn’t. My head slowly began to fall back and I relaxed and his hands and fingers and mouth and …. oh my goodness … it felt amazing! I didn’t know what to do. It was so confusing. And still he continued, still he touched me and then he was on top of me, on the floor, all his weight pressing against me and I could feel him – not his fingers this time but him – inside me. He was moving slowly, or was it fast? It was so deep, so good, so … Oh, I just don’t know how to describe it!
I felt amazing and warm and dizzy and then … oh and then I heard him tell me to come! I did! I couldn’t believe it! It was so incredibly, amazingly good. It was like my body had decided to leave me and just be completely in tune with this man and I wasn’t even needed or wanted anymore; just his body and mine together.
When he had finished he didn’t just leave. He didn’t walk away or push me away or tell me, with a sneer, to go and clean up. Oh no! He held me, he cuddled me, he pulled me close to him. I rested my head on his shoulder as we sat together on that same armchair. I think I fell asleep. I probably did because I was so warm and my body was purring and my mind was jello.
And, one more thing about him that is weird and scary and then something that is amazing and exciting. Not only did he know my name but, when we were snuggling I was thinking that I didn’t know his name and he told me his name! I’m sure I didn’t say anything out loud. It was like he read my mind! He told me he is called SeaHawk. What a great name! What a manly, exciting name! And he told me he was pleased with me and thought I was lovely and that he wanted to enslave me or put a collar on me or something. I can’t recall exactly because my mind was kind of – actually very – frazzled! Oh I do hope I wasn’t imagining that part! Would he really want to keep me all for himself? Maybe I imagined the whole thing. Oh please no!
I should go now. I don’t know what to think about SeaHawk. How much of what I remember is real and how much, even if it is real, will he actually follow through on? Men can be so mean. They can promise things and then not do them. I guess I’ll find out soon enough when and if I see him again. Oh my goodness I will be a giddy mess when I see him again!