Oh my dearest, closest friend, whatever am I going to do? There must be a way for me to get out of the hell I’m living but if there is I just can’t see it. I know that Mr. Kozlov will be back once again at some point, although it has been probably over a week now and, as always, I dream that he has found some other occupation to keep him more permanently away from the Retreat.
Or perhaps some misfortune? An accident? Do I wish ill of him? It’s hard to say. It’s true I hate him and fear him and yet… there is something about his eyes and… No! I have to stop thinking like that. It’s only because I know I can’t avoid him that I’m trying to make him into something he is not. But when he touches me it’s… it’s just… I don’t know! There is something about him that I can’t understand. It’s not like Mr. Negulesco. But it’s kind of similar in a way.
Anyway, no, I wouldn’t want something bad to happen to Mr. Kozlov, despite all the awful things he has done to me, but I do wish he wouldn’t visit me anymore. I am so scared of him. When I see Mr. Negulesco I feel joy (and fear, but there is always that joy too); when I see Mr. Kozlov I am just scared. There is no happiness at all when I am with him (unless of course he is tricking me into thinking he likes me which I would like to say will never happen again but he is so clever that I bet he could fool me all over again if he wanted to). No, there is no happiness at the site of Mr. Kozlov but… there is something else. I don’t want to say it but I will tell you my secret friend. I think he excites me. Oh my goodness, I can’t believe I have admitted that! Yes, I think that part of me, although scared he will hurt me, actually wants to spend time with him just in case he makes me feel good. I can’t let that be true! How has he done that to me? Is it because he terrifies me so much that, when he is actually good to me it makes everything feel even more amazing?
I don’t know. But I have to get away from him. I have to find a way to leave here. Maybe another of the gentlemen will take a liking to me and buy me? Or… Taun.
I can’t stop thinking of Taun and what could have been. The more I think about it the less I understand. If only Vince hadn’t kidnapped me, things would have been fine. But everything went wrong after that. If I ever get the chance to see Taun again I will be so good, so sweet and wonderful to him he’ll nickname me sugar, or honey, or something cute like that!!!
But, I haven’t written to you today to tell you these things, my lovely confidante. (Well, I suppose I have, but I mean that I have other things to tell you as well!) I did in fact see Mr. Kozlov again last night and I need to tell you about that.
He found me walking around outside and as usual he just seemed to appear next to me, say my name, and startle me half to death. Does he do that on purpose? I have no idea but I wouldn’t be surprised. He seems to enjoy making me react especially if it’s a particularly uncomfortable reaction for me.
We chatted for a while and I tried my best to avoid his eyes. If he is being nice to me it’s difficult enough but if I make the mistake of looking into his eyes then I am lost.
He asked me if I wanted to stay outside or go somewhere more private. Well, that was an easy question to answer! As much as being alone with Mr. Kozlov is frightening, being with him and others too is even worse so I quickly said that I’d like to be in a room.
“Excellent! Then we’ll stay out here. Follow me. I believe there is some interesting equipment around the other side of the house and there will no doubt be a small crowd too.”
I kicked myself for not seeing that coming but of course I followed him, trembling, and dreading the events to follow.
But once we arrived Mr. Kozlov didn’t seem that thrilled with what he saw. He looked around then said, “No. I think we will go inside after all. Do you have any suggestions of where to go? Somewhere very private and secluded.”
While I was happy he wouldn’t be doing whatever he had planned to do in full view of everyone else, I was also very concerned about his sudden need for us to be separate from the crowd. Was he going to make me scream so loudly that even the other gentlemen may consider coming to my aid if they heard? Would he… torture and kill me?
My voice caught in my throat as I replied, “There is a small hut. The men call it the Rape Shack. I hate that name. It isn’t used very often and isn’t as busy as the Mansion. I go there quite a lot…” I looked down then and stopped talking. I had been going to say because if I’m there I’m far less likely to be found by the men and used which he would have reported to Mr. Negulesco and I’d get into big trouble.
But I had already said too much.
Laughing, Mr. Kozlov said, “That sounds perfect; we’ll go there. Show me the way. And thank you for telling me your hiding place. Did you know that I’ve been here twice in the past week and I couldn’t find you anywhere in the Mansion. I had a very nice time with a couple other sluts but I was wondering where you were. Now I’ll know where to find you when I want you.”
I stared up at him. I couldn’t believe he had fooled me so easily. Again.
“You did that on purpose! Just admit that you tricked me! You asked me if I wanted to go somewhere private or public so you could choose the very opposite of what I wanted and then you brought me here to make me scared we’d be in public and to trick me into telling you my hiding place. You manipulated me! How do you keep doing that?”
I didn’t know if I was more angry, surprised, or in awe of the way he could play me but I just wanted him to admit that he had set it all up on purpose.
He wouldn’t give me that satisfaction.
“What are you talking about, silly girl? I asked you a simple question, you chose an answer I didn’t like so I decided to ignore it. I do have that right, I believe. Then I saw that the area wasn’t to my liking and so I asked you another simple question to see if you – who knows the house and grounds far better than I do – knew anywhere we could go. What is so manipulative about that?”
He looked at me with a kind of half-innocent, half-devilish smile and I really had no idea whether he was mocking me or telling the truth. I would never know.
We arrived at the shack and entered. He looked around, clearly very unimpressed and I don’t blame him; it’s a horrible place. I don’t know if it was once a room that was used for something and has just been abandoned or whether it’s kept like this because there are some gentlemen who prefer to use the girls in a fifthly environment, but it smells of damp and the only furniture is an old, stained mattress on the floor.
“Well.” Mr. Kozlov said as he clapped his hands, startling me into letting out a little cry, which clearly amused him. “It’s rather… basic… but it will be fine for tonight’s lesson. Stand in the corner and face me.”
“Lesson?” I squeaked as I walked towards the corner, trembling.
“Yes, little mouse, our lesson for today is anatomy. I have noticed that your vocabulary is seriously lacking and that is no good. How are you supposed to be able to request a gentleman do something to you if you don’t know the correct words?”
I pressed myself against the wooden wall for support. Mr. Kozlov stood in front of me, blocking my escape if I were foolish enough to try and run. Even though we both knew I wouldn’t make a dash for the door, just the fact that he was standing between it and me made me feel even more trapped and vulnerable.
“I don’t really want the men to do anything to me at all…”
“Well, but that’s not your choice, now is it? I am sure there are some things we do that feel just a little good sometimes. A gentle caress, or a soft touch. A kiss… A lick…”
As he spoke he slowly walked towards me, fixing me with his eyes in such a way that I couldn’t tear mine away. He leaned closer and closer to me and I started to feel dizzy. He knew! He was reading me! He can make me feel so, so good and while I was standing here in the corner of this awful little hut, terrified of the pain I dreaded was coming, a tiny part of me was silently, desperately begging him to touch me.
All I could do was nod in agreement which elicited from him a smirk as he stood so close to me I could almost feel him. His warmth enveloped me; his scent made my head spin. I gazed up into his face and felt a sudden, overwhelming urge to kiss him. Why? Why on earth would I want to kiss him? How can he do this to me?
Luckily, he stood back, breaking me from the spell but leaving me wanting something I desperately didn’t want to want.
“We will dispense with the inspection tonight as we’ve wasted too much time already and I am impatient to begin the lesson. Take your clothes off and squat, knees wide open. In the corner. NOW!”
I jumped and began to obey. I folded my clothes and left them on the mattress thinking that they would need to be washed at least three times before I could wear them again. I returned to the corner of the room and slowly lowered myself into the humiliating position. Eyes down, I waited, then saw his shoes appear in my line of vision.
With his toes, he pushed my knees open wider and then told me to look up and sit up straighter, with my chest pushed forward. I did so. Looking up at him was the hardest.
“Now, don’t worry, I called it a lesson but it won’t be boring. It’s more of a game really. I am going to point to a part of your body and you will tell me the name. I want every word you know for that part and then what the part is used for. Do you understand?”
His voice was different now. Somehow authoritative but not cruel. Certainly not kind, but it didn’t scare me. It had a tone about it as though he was actually trying to help me and to make things easier for me by teaching me something. I shook my head to clear it. No, he couldn’t be doing that, surely. Everything he does is purely for his own entertainment. But what if he really does want me to learn the words so I can please him? Would he like me more, and be nicer to me, if I got the words right and admitted that I wanted him to touch me here or there? Would he smile and then do as I ask and make me feel good? Or would he laugh at me and call me a slut and shove me into a stranger’s arms?
“I think I understand, yes. Are you going to, um, touch that part of my body too?” I didn’t know if I hoped he would or wouldn’t. His touch could mean that my body would burn with the heat of desire or the fire of pain.
“Do you want me to?” His eyes fixed me again and seemed to crawl or slither into my head as they did so.
I whimpered. I had no idea how to reply. If I said no, he would probably touch and hurt me. If I said yes, he would probably make me touch myself. I decided to just go with what felt like the truth. Sort of. At least it was easier than asking him to put his hands on me.
“No, I’d rather you didn’t.”
“Okay, I will not.”
He laughed as he saw the obvious disappointment in my face. Why did I want him to touch me? Why??? I just know that I did and that I had to stop wanting it before he turned me into something I do not want to become.
“Any more questions before we begin?”
I think he was having fun building up the suspense. His eyes licked my body as I crouched, balancing on the balls of my feet, arching my back to push my breasts forward and keeping my knees spread as wide as I could.
“Just… what if I get the words wrong? If I don’t know enough of them… will you… what will you do?”
“What would like me to do?”
I blushed. “I mean, will you punish me, if I make a mistake?”
“Maybe I will reward you if you get it right.”
I didn’t know what to say to that so I just stayed silent and waited for the ‘lesson’ to begin.
Mr. Kozlov sat down in front of me. His eyes wandered slowly all over my body and then he pointed to my mouth. I wasn’t sure if he meant my lips, tongue or mouth so I thought I’d include them all just in case.
“That’s my mouth and my lips and tongue. I guess you could also call my mouth a… hole. But I’m sorry, I don’t know any other words. I’m not very good with slang; my parents hated it. Oh wait, maybe trap, gob? I use them for eating, drinking and um… kissing and… you know… pleasuring the men…”
I went bright red. This was going to be harder than I thought. Maybe Mr. Kozlov was right; maybe I did need lessons and he was actually really doing me a favor. I mean, I’m not a child. Why is it so hard for me to say certain words; they’re just words. Why am I so embarrassed when it comes to talking about stuff like this?
I saw Mr. Kozlov roll his eyes at my pathetic attempt. But at least he didn’t seem angry.
“‘Pleasuring the men’ is a little vague, don’t you think? But let’s move on. Perhaps you’ll do better with the next one.”
His finger was now a couple inches away from my nipple. Again, I wasn’t sure how precise he meant to be so I included all the words I know.
“That’s my breast and my nipple. You can also say tits, boobs, bosoms, jugs, knockers… Is that enough words? I use them for, well, nothing really except I guess if I ever have a baby.” I looked down and forced that thought out of my mind. It was difficult enough being robbed of the hope of falling in love with a kind man, but I didn’t even want to start thinking about the fact that I may never have a baby of my own.
I jumped, feeling his finger on my cheek, stroking gently. I looked at him and was surprised to see a kind smile. His voice was warm when he spoke.
“Go on, you’re doing well. I’m sure if you think about it, you’ll be able to find a few things that your breasts can be used for. Just think about all the things I have done with them, for example. Close your eyes, and picture some of the times we have spent together.”
I didn’t have to keep my eyes closed for very long. It was not difficult to remember the awful things he has done to my poor, sensitive breasts and nipples. I was also scared that while I had my eyes closed he would do something to me.
“My breasts can be used for lots of things to please the gentlemen, depending on what they want to do. Some men like to see red whip marks against my pale skin, some prefer bruises. Others enjoy watching a chain dance between clamps that dig into my nipples.”
I had started to cry. He was making me say out loud everything that could be done to me, whether I liked it or not, and it felt like I was admitting that my body was there only for the pleasure of the gentlemen.
Again he looked at me with a kind, caring expression as he gently wiped away a tear with his finger.
“Very good, that is correct. But aren’t there other things we do to your breasts that are perhaps a little more pleasurable for you?”
“Yes… Sometimes, the men touch my breasts and nipples softly and that’s not too bad. Or they will lick and kiss and… that can be… very nice.”
He nodded and smiled and then he was pointing in between my legs, his finger a few inches away from my body.
“That is my… my…” I looked up at him suddenly. “I don’t like all those words! They are so ugly and cold and… it’s such a private and intimate part of my body. I don’t want to say the words I know you want me to say. I don’t want to say what happens to that part of my body! I don’t want to think about it!”
He stood up slowly and I felt the blood run from my head and cower in some remote part of my body.
His look and tone were now far from kind or gentle. He was ice.
“Clara, I have been very patient with you. Far more than you deserve. I am trying to help and you won’t even make the smallest effort to push out of your tiny, fluffy little comfort zone. It’s ridiculous. You are not worth my time! Instead of wasting my evening teaching you I should just whip you till you pass out and then fuck that nameless cunt of yours then leave you to the other men.”
“No, please, I’m sorry, Mr. Kozlov!” I stood up too, reaching towards him as I did so, but the look he gave me as I broke position was enough to make me regain it immediately. Was he actually, really and truly trying to help me or was he only having fun again? I didn’t know, but he was terrifying when he was angry and saying a few words, however difficult and embarrassing, was far better than what he has just proposed. “I’ll try harder, I promise. Thank you for taking the time to do this for me; I do appreciate it.”
He seemed to think about it for a moment, his face stone.
“Please? Please may I try again?”
He pointed in between my legs again and I breathed a sigh of relief.
“That is my vagina, vulva, labia, clit, pussy, cunt, hole. They are used for going to the toilet, having a baby, pleasuring men and…” I spoke as quickly as I could, trying to get all the words out without thinking about them and before he could get irritated by any hesitation. I wanted to be as detailed as I could and I remembered that he had already told me that ‘pleasuring men’ wasn’t specific enough so I quickly continued. “And by pleasuring men I mean that the men can touch and lick me there and also, if it pleases them and they want to, they can put toys into me and-”
“Into you? Into what? Be specific!” He interrupted me, his voice harsh although there was a definite look of amusement in his eyes.
“Into my… my pussy. The men put their… their cocks into my… cunt. My hole is also used for their fingers or anything else they want to put into it and my… my clit is used for…”
I looked up just as he crouched down in front of me again, his eyebrow raised as he said, “Yes, Clara, what is your clit used for?”
My reply came out far more breathlessly than I had wanted. “To make me orgasm.”
I did so, trembling. Had I satisfied him with my responses or would he carry out his threat of whipping me?
“That wasn’t too bad. But I gave you a lot of help and prompting. To show me that you have actually learned something I want you to now summarize the whole lesson, using your hands and fingers to indicate what parts you are talking about. And don’t just point. You must demonstrate what you are saying.”
I took a deep breath. I had to make this good.
Starting, as he had, with my mouth I used my fingers to trace around my lips. I explained again what these parts were for and slipped my fingers into my mouth to demonstrate sucking a man. Looking at Mr. Kozlov for a sign that I was doing okay, I saw him nod, and so I continued.
Moving down, I cupped my breasts gently and began to play with my nipples as I spoke. I let my fingers move over the skin and despite my fear I started to feel warm. I explained first the nice things men do to me and then I spoke about the more painful things. When I mentioned the clamps I pinched my nipples and Mr. Kozlov laughed as I let out a little cry at my self-inflicted pain. But at least he seemed pleased so I moved further down.
“And now, this is my pussy, also known as my cunt or just my hole.” I tried to keep the words robotic and meaningless to me but they hurt as I said them. They seemed to steal all the poetry and romance from what I still believe should be a private, wonderful thing. “It is used for giving pleasure to both the gentlemen and to me when- oh!” I had slipped a finger inside myself and couldn’t believe how easily I did so. I was wet and as I looked into Mr. Kozlov’s eyes in surprise I saw his obvious amusement.
“Yes, when what?”
“Giving pleasure when the men put their cocks, or a vibrator or other toy, into my pussy and when they also…” I paused again, feeling flushed, one finger still inside me and my other hand now demonstrating what the men do. “Also touch my clit and move their finger, or their tongue, or a vibrator or something else in little circles, like this, or with longer, harder stokes like this…” I was breathing hard now. I looked up at him, my eyes must have been so obviously full of lust and need.
“Keep going. You are doing well. I don’t think I will need to whip you. Perhaps you would like me to fuck you though. Would you like that Clara? Do you want my cock in your pussy? Keep going.”
He looked into me, through me, as I touched myself. My eyes widened as I realized that I was close to coming.
He shook his head. “Oh no you don’t. If you come before I tell you to you will regret it for a very long time. Keep going. I’m sure there are a few details you have left out.”
I whimpered. How was I supposed to keep touching myself and not orgasm?
He continued, clearly delighting in my predicament. “Close your eyes and concentrate. Describe exactly what I do to you. Start with something like, ‘The sole and unique purpose of my cunt is for your and the other gentlemen’s pleasure. When you touch me…'”
I felt my knees buckle and leaned back, hoping the wall would provide me with a little support. It already felt so good and he now wanted me to close my eyes too? I would be able to feel everything even more that way. Did he know that?
My eyes closed, my fingers still moving on my oh-so-sensitive skin I began to repeat the phrase he wanted me to say. “The only purpose of my pussy is to please you and the other men. When you touch me here, I mean, on my clit, you make, you do… it feels so good… and when you put your fingers or your… cock into my… cunt it feels like I’m so full and it slides so easily and, just like my fingers now, you then sometimes use your tongue… or… is that the other men? Have you done that? I don’t remember… but it goes around and around in little… kind of circles or something and then the vibrator or maybe your cock or something is inside me, I mean my hole, inside my pussy, and it’s just moving in and out and in and out and at the same time you are touching my clit and it’s always just a little bit too much pressure and it always makes me squirm and I feel like I need to try and get away from your fingers or your tongue but at the same time I seem to be wanting to try and press my body up and into you more, like this, and all the while I’m doing that I can feel you going in and out and sometimes fast and sometimes slow and sometimes just the tip and then, oh, all the way, suddenly deep, deep, deep inside me and…”
My eyes flew open.
“Please let me come, please! Please, I’m going to come, it’s too good, I can’t, please you have to let me come!”
He laughed at me. “Oh I do, do I?”
“No, I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry, please, just please give me permission to come. I’m so close. I need to so badly.”
“What? I… I don’t know… I just… it feels so good… I really want-”
“Tell me what you want.”
He stepped closer. I whimpered. My body was on fire and desperate for release. He was standing there, too close, making me wait, making me want him. He was going to make me beg him to take me. The bastard! All I had wanted was to orgasm but now I wanted him! I wanted him inside me so badly it hurt; I ached from the need.
“I want you.”
“I’m right here.”
“I mean, I want you inside me.”
He raised an eyebrow.
My hands still moving, my need still growing, I blurted out, “I want your cock inside my pussy!”
“A little better.” He said as he unbuttoned his pants and slid them down. “But you need to use some adjectives. Your request is a little dull and doesn’t really inspire me to help you out. Perhaps if you add a colorful description to your pleas I’ll be more inclined to do so. Something like, I want to feel your hard, throbbing cock fill my dirty, soaking wet fuck hole.”
I held my breath as he closed the distance between us, placing his hands on the wall either side of me. He leaned in and began to kiss my neck. I moaned. I didn’t dare stop touching myself but I was so frightening close to coming I didn’t know how much longer I could hold out.
Then he lowered his head and began sucking on one of my nipples. I almost screamed out the words, “Please fuck me! Please now! I need to feel your hard, thick, throbbing cock inside my wet cunt, soaking wet for you, dripping with my juices, needing to be filled by your cock, inside my fuck hole. Please! Oh!!!”
I felt the world explode as with one smooth and lightening fast motion he pulled my hands away from their place between my legs and slammed his cock into my aching pussy.
He kept going, ramming harder and faster, pulling a second orgasm out of me that was even stronger than the first and I was sure he was killing me. I tried to wrap my arms around him but he held my wrists firmly, pinned against the wall as he continued to slam into me until I heard him grunt and felt his seed explode deep inside of me.
I tried to wrap one leg around him, but he pulled out and away from me. Luckily he still held onto my wrists or I would have collapsed in a crumpled pile to the floor.
“You beg very nicely, Clara. I am looking forward to our next lesson. I think I’ll make you beg me to punish you for coming without permission. Twice.”
He let go of my wrists, pulled up his pants, and left.
I collapsed in a crumpled pile to the floor.