The Girlfriend Experience

And of course, as I predicted, I was not left alone to enjoy my new hair color in peace for very long. I have so much to tell you but before I shock you with any of my new misfortunes, I must continue my story about Mr. Kozlov and how he tricked me into thinking he liked me and that I liked him.

As I told you, he had instructed me to take a bath and prepare myself for our “date”. He had decided it would be fun for me to pretend that I really wanted him and that we were lovers. He had also warned me that he prefers brunettes and that I shouldn’t disappoint him in my preparations.

What should I do? As I soaked in the bath, his voice came across the room, reminding me to hurry. So I quickly got out of the tub, drained the water and started to look in the chest for clothing and in the vanity for makeup and something to make my hair brown. It shouldn’t have surprised me that I easily found everything I needed; it makes sense that the Mansion would be well equipped to allow the girls to quickly change their appearance to please whichever man they were with at that moment.

I found some semi-perminant, ready-to-use hair dye and, using gloves, I coated my hair with it before quickly rinsing it off. I hoped that if I didn’t leave it on too long it wouldn’t dye it too brown but when I looked in the mirror I was a very definite brunette. After blowdrying my hair I quickly put on some makeup and selected sexy underwear and a slinky dress that made wearing the underwear almost impossible but very necessary.

Finally I was ready, although I felt very far from being ready to be with Mr. Kozlov again. I peaked out from behind the room divider to see him sitting on the edge of the bed, typing on his phone. He looked deep in thought and I wondered if he was even aware of me but then he spoke, still looking at his phone.

“I am so looking forward to our date. I know you will be the perfect girlfriend and shower me with all your very genuine affection. You may even call me ‘Beloved’ since I am your favorite.” He looked up at me then and, putting his phone into his pocket, he motioned for me to come closer. “Don’t be shy, my darling, come over here where I can see you. And,” he added with a sickening grin, “I want the cameras to get a good angle on you. They will record your entire performance and after I am done editing it, we can send a copy to ‘Taub’, or whatever his name is, so he can see how easily your little heart is swayed and how quickly you have forgotten him and fallen head over heals in love with another man.”

I froze, unable to move a step closer to Mr. Kozlov. I thought I was going to be sick. He wouldn’t do that, surely? How does he even know where Taun lives or how to get a video to him? And if Taun saw the video, wouldn’t he be furious and just come and kill Mr. Kozlov like he did Vince? That thought almost made me smile, until I realized that if my ”performance’ with Mr. Kozlov was too convincing then Taun would think it’s real. The video Vince had sent was obviously forced because Taun knew that I had been kidnapped. This time, he wouldn’t know, and may think I had come to the Retreat voluntarily and fallen in love with Mr. Kozlov.

I looked up at him and saw the impatience on his face and knew I couldn’t do anything except exactly what he told me to do. I felt a tear escape and roll down my cheek as I walked shakily towards him, wishing I knew where the cameras were hidden so I could avoid my face being seen too much.

As I reached him he stood and quickly closed the distance between us. I waited, looking down, and felt him raise my chin with his finger until I was looking up and into his blue grey eyes. How incredibly beautiful his eyes would be if only they weren’t filled with such an intense cruelty.

He stared at me for a while, no doubt knowing and enjoying how dizzy, confused and frightened his gaze made me, before he stood back, removing his hand and suddenly smiling warmly at me. “You look lovely, my darling,” he said as he handed me a single white rose.

I was so surprised I didn’t know what to say or do but I quickly reminded myself it was all a game and that I had to play along. Still, I had been expecting to have to pretend to be nice to him; I hadn’t realized he was going to treat me kindly too and his behavior, albeit all an act, threw me off.

Prompting me, he took my hand and helped me take the rose and bring it up to my nose. I inhaled deeply. Oh, it smelled so sweet! I couldn’t help smiling at him.

“It is so wonderful to see you. Did you miss me?” he continued, smiling warmly at me.

It’s only a game; it’s not real, I told myself. How wonderful it would be if it were real! Not with Mr. Kozlov, obviously, but I couldn’t help thinking of Taun and how good things had been before I left. I miss him so much and so badly wanted to see him again and hold him close and feel his arms around me, his hand strocking my hair and telling me I was safe and that everything was alright.

My eyes filled with tears and Mr. Kozlov’s face showed such genuine concern he was either a good actor or he really did care that I was upset. He’s a good actor. He’s playing with your mind, Clara. Don’t let him trick you. He doesn’t care for you; he only wants to hurt you.

“Oh, my darling, you did miss me! It’s okay, don’t cry. Your beloved is here now and we are going to spend the whole evening together. There, there, dry your tears.”

He took me in his arms and hugged me. I couldn’t help it; I just felt so lost and I so badly needed the hug that I wrapped my arms around him tightly and sobbed. He let me cry for a few moments before pulling away and looking at me with such affection it made my head spin. His eyes are dangerous. They are weapons when he’s angry; they are hypnotic when he’s happy.

“Shhh, it’s okay baby, no more tears now.”

He gently wiped my tears away and then leaned in to kiss me. I just let him. Did I want him to kiss me? Did I know I didn’t have the choice and not pull back because I didn’t want to make him angry? I don’t know, but it wasn’t long before I wasn’t just letting him kiss me; I was kissing him back. His kiss made me feel drunk.

It seemed as though we kissed for hours, but of course it was probably only a few minutes. When he finally pulled back my cheeks were flushed and when I tried to look at him I could hardly focus. I blinked to clear my vision and saw such a look of affection and kindness on his face it made me even more lightheaded.

No. He is evil. He doesn’t love you. Don’t let him do this to you.

But he’s so beautiful. And I need to be loved so badly. Can’t I just pretend, just for a short while?

His voice was like a spring day now. He almost sang as he spoke. “It has been so long since I felt your body close to mine. I can’t wait much longer, and I know you want me too but, let’s make it special! Do you still remember how to dance for me? You know, that special dance you always loved to do just for me? Please dance for my now, my dearest.”

He had taken my hand and was leading me over to a pole that is fixed in the floor of the room and runs up to the ceiling. I hadn’t, of course, ever danced for him before but he was so convincing I was almost sure I could vividly remember twirling around the pole for him as he watched me with love, admiration and desire in his eyes.

Looking the pole up and down and still holding his hand I replied, “I will try… my… um, beloved. If you would like me to dance for you then I will try and remember how to dance prettily and sexily to please you.” I blushed as I spoke. I felt shy and confident at the same time, which doesn’t make any sense but it’s the only way to describe it.

Standing close to me, his words caressing my cheek, he said, “Thank you, darling, you know how much it turns me on when you behave like a naughty little slut. I know that isn’t the real you, but it’s so adorable when you act that way and, knowing how difficult it is for you just shows me how much you love me.”

He had let go of my hand now and was looking at me with an expectant expression. Still kind and smiling, but definitely waiting for me to dance and perform for him. I carefully placed the rose on the floor to the side of the pole and looked at the pole as I touched it lightly with my fingers, thinking about how I would dance. A few images and ideas formed in my mind as I pulled up some music to play in my head. Something slow, sensual, and seductive.

I pressed my body against the pole, getting ready, then looked at him as I spoke. “So, um, my beloved, you don’t really think I am… you know… what you said?”

“A slut?” he prompted. His eyes sparkling just a little too much at the word.

“Yes, that’s right. You don’t really think I am like that? You just want me to pretend that I am, to act that way, to please you?”

“Of course, my darling, you are pure innocence itself!”

I studied his face, trying to read his thoughts, trying to see if he was making fun of me but he looked so genuine. Perhaps he did really know the real me! Perhaps he knew that I wasn’t like the other girls who loved to be touched by men and maybe this was the real him after all. Caring and considerate. He had needs, of course, what man doesn’t? But he wasn’t going to force me to do outrageous things and perform disgusting acts just to excite him. He was asking me nicely to pretend for him because it turned him on.

Careful Cara. He’s…

I know, but surely he can be kind too, can’t he? Why would he go to all this trouble to make me feel happy and at ease if he didn’t like me just a little bit? He could have just forced me to dance for him! Why would he wait for me to get ready and then give me a pretty rose and then kiss me so passionately if he wasn’t really just a little bit nice?

I started to dance then, with a cautious and small but real happiness in my heart. I smiled at him as I twirled, catching his eye, wanting to see if he was happy with me and each time I looked at him he was beaming. The music in my head and the slightly giddy feeling starting to grow in my body made it easy to move rhythmically and I began to add moves that were more and more sexy and provocative. I blushed, then giggled, then blew him a kiss as I swirled around on the pole.

He blew me a kiss back and laughed kindly at me. “Oh my darling, you are a natural! Such a good little dancer! Anyone who saw you now would swear you were born for this. It’s amazing how convincingly you play the role of dirty little slut who loves to excite a man until he can’t take it any more and has to rip all her clothes off and fuck her on the floor.”

I gulped and felt very cold all of a sudden. He wasn’t smiling any more and his eyes had taken on an animal fierceness. I tried to continue dancing but had to hold onto the pole so tightly it wasn’t easy.

As I watched, his expression seemed to melt and he smiled again, his voice soft and sweet as he said, “But I know that’s not the real you at all, is it my sweet? You’re not like that; you’re just putting on such a good show for me because you love me so much, isn’t that right? I appreciate it so very much, I hope you know that.”

I heard a little whimper escape my throat and I quickly resumed my dance, knowing that he was pleased and that he understood, deep down, that I was just pretending for him. Did I actually love him? Is that how I was able to dance so provocatively for him when it wasn’t in my true nature? Surely I didn’t love him. Did I?

Questions were spinning in my mind as my body spun on the pole. I danced for a while longer, smiling at him each time I caught his eye and was rewarded by a bright smile in return.

“My darling, I’m afraid you have done far too good a job at exciting your lover and I am hard as a rock over here.” He chuckled in a light-hearted way as though he’d just admitted to having eaten just a little too much desert with lunch. “Why don’t you come over here now and perhaps you can help me to ease my discomfort.”

I slowly stopped my dance and walked over to Mr. Kozlov. He was sitting on the edge of the bed and as I approached he motioned to me to stand in front of him. He looked up at me with such tenderness I thought it would melt me. And then he spoke, so softly I almost couldn’t make out what he said. “I love you very much, my dearest, I hope you know that.”

I nodded, not sure what else to do or say. Luckily he didn’t wait and didn’t seem to expect anything from me. He continued in his soft and impossibly seductive tone as he climbed onto the bed. “Come, lie next to me. It has been so long since my eyes have feasted on your body. May I undress you? I promise I won’t hurt you. I just want to see you again, my sweetest.”

I nodded. He was asking my permission? He really did care about me! He wasn’t the beast I had thought he was; he was truly a kind and considerate man who just had very strong urges he had difficulty controlling. Poor man! And how awful of me to have hated him without even giving him a real chance to show me his true and kind nature. I felt guilty all of a sudden.

We lay down on the bed next to each other. He placed me on my back while he lay on his side, propped up on his elbow looking at me. He smiled softly, his incredible eyes smiling kindly through the obvious lust he felt. I was so impressed at how he was able to control his urges. He was being gentle with me, even though he wanted to take me. He really cared!

Without speaking, he slowly, carefully, and gently took off my clothing one piece at a time, placing them on the chair next to the bed. When I was finally completely naked he asked me in a whisper if I was okay. I nodded again and then he undressed too, smiling softly and kindly at me as he removed his clothes and folded them next to mine. I trembled slightly as he climbed back onto the bed and leaned in to kiss me. Remembering his last kiss I wanted his lips on mine so badly that I could barely wait for him and I tilted my head up to meet him.

Oh but he kisses so well! How is it even possible to to kiss that well?

I am sure you can imagine what happened after that! He was still kissing me and I felt his hand begin to move on my body, slowly, lovingly caressing my skin and suddenly I was flying. My eyes, closed from the kiss, remained closed and it seemed as though for the next hour or six his hands and mouth and fingers and tongue and body and lips were all over me. It felt so incredible, I thought I was going to die and he wasn’t even inside me yet. At one point, he was touching me, you know, between my legs and doing that thing he does with his thumb (I don’t know what he’s doing when he does that but it’s so incredible and I can never resist. My brain seems to just click off and my body takes over and does whatever it – or rather he – wants. It’s amazing! It’s like being instantly injected with a drug that makes my whole body purr and vibrate and shoots electricity all around).

Anyway, he was touching and licking me everywhere and doing that thumb thing and I knew I was going to orgasm but that scared me a little. It’s so intimate, having an orgasm with a man. You give something to them, share something with them, when you cum with a man and it seems that they take it away with them forever.

But when I heard his breathy voice in my ear telling me to cum for him it just took me over and my body decided it was going to do so even if my brain wanted to hold out. It was an incredibly intense orgasm!

He gave me a few moments to recover and then I heard his silky voice, whispering to me, “You are so beautiful when you cum.”

I smiled softly, my face still flushed and my breathing not yet returned to normal. “Thank you. You make me feel beautiful.”

“Well you are. So very beautiful.”

He was still touching me but I wanted – needed – more of him. I wanted him inside me so badly it began to hurt and without thinking, without realizing what I was saying, I begged started begging him, first with my body arching and straining towards him, then finally with my words. “Please my beloved, please, I want you inside me.”

He made me come again before he finally slid into me. He filled me so full it felt incredible. His thrusting was strong and powerful but didn’t hurt. He even asked if I was okay and if he was hurting me! He was so tender and loving.

He moved me around several times, always gently and carefully.

I heard him whispering again, his voice deep soft and full of lust, “Let’s cum together. I want you to cum for me again as I fill you with my seed. Can you do that for me, my sweet?”

I was sure my body was too exhausted to have another orgasm but I nodded, somehow knowing that it would obey him nevertheless. And I was right. I heard him grunt and felt him explode deep inside me as my muscles contracted and sent me over and through another wave after wave of ecstasy.

After a short while, I have no idea how long, I heard Mr. Kozlov’s voice and opened my eyes. I was lying on my back on the bed and he was lying next to me, fully dressed now, but again propped up on his elbow looking at me. I turned to face him, smiling, seeking out his beautiful eyes. My smile broadened when I saw his lovely face smiling back at me.

“Well, my ‘darling’, you were quite convincing in the girlfriend experience. I am pleased. And you definitely appeared to have some wonderful and very real orgasms. That look of bliss on your face is very evident.”

His eyes were kind, but there was something odd about the way he emphasized the word, ‘darling’.

“Thank you, my beloved, I am so happy you are pleased! I did come several times and it felt amazing. And thank you for showing me the real you; the man who is kind and caring. It’s so good to be treated that way.”

He stroked my cheek as he spoke, his eyes still full of love as he looked at me. “But, tell me, wasn’t there a man? Someone special to you? You spoke to me before about someone called Tan or something similar.”

I felt my heart fall through my chest and hit the floor beneath the bed. I looked at Mr. Kozlov and nodded, my voice breaking a little as I spoke, “Yes… Taun. I loved him… at least… I think I did. I am sure I did and… oh, my beloved, don’t get jealous but I do still have feelings for him. He was very kind to me and he even risked his life for me. I am confused about him. But, I doubt I will ever see him again. He has given up on me, I am sure.”

I was scared Mr. Kozlov would be angry at me or maybe hurt that I hadn’t told him more about my love for Taun before tonight. But his face and voice revealed only concern for me. “I see. So why do you think he has given up on you?”

I couldn’t help it. I felt my eyes well up at the happy memories and I was so tired from the passionate love making that I began to cry. “Because he was trying to help me and… I came back here. I don’t know what happened! I have no idea how I got back to the Retreat from his house but… he had told me once that if I ever left again he wouldn’t come to get me. And I guess I did leave so…. I can’t dream that he will ever come for me now.”

“Ah, I see.” Mr. Kozlov wiped my tears away. “Well, don’t worry, I will take care of everything for you. And I will even make sure that Taun receives a copy of our video so he will know that you are happy here and well taken care of by me.”

I wasn’t at all sure that Taun would appreciate that! I sat up and on the bed. “Oh no, please don’t do that! I know you’re trying to help me and you just want to be nice and I really, really appreciate that so very much. But Taun is… extremely jealous. He doesn’t want anyone else to touch me or anything. If he thought that I was here getting used by men his blood would boil. But if he thought I was here being used by men and enjoying it… it would break his heart! You can’t send it to him!”

Mr. Kozlov looked at me, his eyebrows raised in surprise. “So you don’t want Taun to know that you are with me now? Are you ashamed of me? I thought you loved me.”

His face showed such hurt and anger and I just didn’t know how to answer his questions. He was sitting there expecting me to explain exactly how I felt but I had no idea how to even begin.

“I… I do love you. I think… I mean… oh, it’s so confusing! Please don’t be angry with me!”

Then he seemed to crumble in front of me and all I saw was kindness and love. “My darling, I am not angry with you. I simply need to know that your feelings for me are real. Just tell me exactly what you feel about me. I love you, you have to know that and I hope you love me too but I understand if you are not sure yet. Please just tell me what you feel for me. After all, only a few hours ago you seemed to genuinely despise me and now, after our lovemaking, you are so sweet to me.” He looked down. Was he crying? “Sometimes I think you just want me for my body.”

I reached out suddenly and wrapped my arms around him. He cared so deeply for me! I knew then that I did love him, I really did!

“Oh, my beloved, I do love you, I do! I’m so sorry I was confused before but this has all been so sudden I just wasn’t sure of my feelings but now I am! I didn’t really despise you before I… I was scared of you. I thought you were… frightening and that you would hurt me. But you didn’t. You showed me the real you and I just couldn’t help falling in love with you!”

The joy on his face seemed so real as he suddenly scooped me up in his arms and started to carry me towards the door. When we arrived he gently set me on my feet and looked down at me, smiling kindly. I was so happy I felt giddy and was glad he was holding my hands as I wasn’t sure I could have stood unaided. He obviously had to leave and I was sad that the evening was over but at least I knew things would be better from now on. I didn’t dare to hope, but maybe, just maybe, he would buy me and take me away with him at some point in the future. Until then though, at least I would have his visits to look forward to.

He stroked my cheek as he spoke. “I have to leave now, Clara, but I will return in a day or two. I think you are ready now and I very much look forward to our next meeting.”

His eyes changed and I frowned, confused slightly by his words. “Ready for what, my beloved?” I also realized that it was the first time that evening he had called me by my name rather than use a term of endearment.

“Why for your punishment, of course. I haven’t forgotten and a man should keep his word. You have just shown me that you are very capable of having multiple orgasms in many different positions so I am sure you are now ready to be stripped, spread, and forced to cum ten times in front of a room full of horny men. Don’t you think? The only question is how many ways the men and I will think of to use you and how long we will be doing it before you have had all ten orgasms. Get lots of rest, Clara; it will be a long evening. Apparently excruciating pain can delay orgasms.”

I began to collapse to the floor, my knees buckling under me and the blood draining from my head. He let go of my hands and I fell in a puddle at his feet. He nudged me with his shoe to push me out of the way as he opened the door.

I heard his steps and mocking laughter slowly fade as he walked through the door and down the stairs. I crawled into the closest corner and cried so hard I couldn’t breath until I finally fell asleep.

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