Oh my dear, dear Diary. Where do I even begin? So much has happened and a lot of it is, thankfully, a blur in my memory. I say thankfully because the details would be so painful to recall but of course it does mean that it will make writing it all down rather difficult. But I must try. I need to record these awful events and maybe, just maybe, I will have happy events to tell you about too. I think that may be the case soon, as you will see if you are able to get to the end of this account without crying for me. But please do not cry. I am fine, really. And, as I said, I think that from now on my life could even be really quite wonderful.
But things have certainly been anything but wonderful for the past few months.
Everything was good. I was with Taun, safe at his home, and my only problem was trying to figure out what he wants from me which I was beginning to think was mostly sex and lots of it but only if I enjoyed it and wanted it and would admit to enjoying and wanting it. So I really spent most of my time worrying about that! Can you believe it? Stupid, isn’t it… But I didn’t want to be one of the girls who enjoyed sex. I didn’t want to be like the women at the Retreat who beg to be used and who salivate at the mere sight of a well-built man and his muscular chest. I still don’t. But this is different. This is Taun. I think it’s okay to want just one man. I think it’s fine to crave his touch and enjoy it so much it sends me to heights I never knew were possible. It’s not the same as wanting any and all men. Right? Taun likes me. He tells me I’m his and he’s mine. Isn’t that wonderful? (I even asked him if he loved me the other day! Can you believe my boldness? It’s just that everything he’s been saying makes me wonder if he loves me even just a little bit. He doesn’t want any other man to use me and he says he’s not interested in sleeping with other women either. He didn’t really answer my question and I’m not sure how I would feel about it if he did tell me he loved me. I don’t know if I love him. I don’t think it’s possible to fall in love and not know it!)
Anyway, Taun and I were trying to figure out how I ended up back at the Retreat the last time because I certainly hadn’t gone there of my own accord like the first time (I’ll never make that mistake again!) Taun said he had some suspicions and needed to look into it so I went for a walk. I needed to clear my head, anyway, as I had a lot on my mind. See above.
There is a lovely park near where Taun’s house is – well, was, I suppose. I was sitting on a log thing that is a sort of bench when I suddenly saw something dart across my line of vision. I looked around but couldn’t see anything or anyone else so I went back to my thoughts only to be disturbed yet again but this time by a man who walked straight up to me. The man introduced himself although I don’t remember his name now but it doesn’t matter as it was obviously a lie. He told me he was a police officer and was on the lookout for a dangerous criminal who he’d seen only a few minutes ago. I was scared, as you can imagine, but felt lucky that the policeman was here. Lucky? Ha! You’ve probably guessed that he was nothing of the sort and you’d be right. I got more and more nervous as the man’s manner became frantic, telling me that the dangerous criminal could return at any moment and he’d kill us both. He asked me over and over what I knew, what I’d seen and he wouldn’t believe me that I was completely innocent. I tried my best to help but of course there was nothing to tell him. He made me duck down out of sight and then he pushed me around behind a tree. Just as I was getting really confused and even a little annoyed at his illogical behavior he grabbed me and, holding me tightly by the hair, he pressed a cloth to my face that smelled absolutely awful. I knew that smell! I had just a few seconds to panic and struggle like crazy before I passed out.I woke up feeling ill and scared. I was in some sort of dungeon or cave or basement and it was cold, dark and empty. It smelled of damp. I remember that so well, almost as well as some of the horrible things that happened to me there. That heavy scent of damp just hanging in the air somehow coating the walls and the floor and my skin.
I never knew my captor’s name; he didn’t tell me and I didn’t ask. I have since found out that it was Vince but Taun promises me that Vince is dead and that I am safe now.
You know how some of the men at the Retreat can be cruel? How they love to torture the girls and how they get immense pleasure from hearing them scream and seeing their tears stream down their pretty faces as they beg for mercy. That is nothing compared to how Vince was. He was pure, pure evil. Everything he did to me was with the sole aim of hurting me or scaring me to death. I wanted to die. But he wouldn’t let me. He almost starved and bled me to death many times but he wouldn’t allow me to actually leave this earth. He was cruel in ways the men at the Retreat would never even dream of being, possibly because Vince had a reason for my being there. Of course, he very much enjoyed the task he had set himself, but Vince wanted to make Taun pay for something he had done and he figured that by hurting me and by doing everything he could possibly imagine doing to my body – and recording it on video clips to send to Taun – he would get back at Taun and savor the sweet taste of revenge.
Before Vince, I had no idea that a man could find so many different ways to make a girl cry. I think that in the whole time I was there (about three months, apparently) he did not do the same thing to me twice. But everything he did hurt and each more than the last. As much as he wouldn’t allow my body to die, I think my mind did, and I don’t remember the details of a lot of what he did. Of course, most of it involved sex of some sort but a lot of it didn’t. Sometimes he would just whip me until I was bleeding so badly I fainted, then he would wait for me to come around and start to hit me as a punishment for sleeping without permission. Sometimes he would use me for sex – in every way – but always in such a way that it would hurt the most. I had begun to forget that sex could even feel nice and any touch anywhere on my body made me start to tremble in fear, knowing that the pain would get worse and worse until I passed out or he had climaxed.
He did force me to orgasm sometimes. He would touch me or have me touch myself while hurting me and order me to come despite the pain. I knew there would be worse pain and punishment if I didn’t obey so I somehow managed to reach orgasm but, as you can imagine, although my body may have been climaxing I didn’t enjoy it. Other times he would tell me that he was recording us to send to Taun and he would order me to beg and plead him for sex and then he would touch and tease me until I came in a screaming orgasm, despite all my efforts not to climax, and I would be forced to look straight into the camera lens as I came and to then smile and thank him for everything he did to me.
The only good thing about the constant talk of Taun was that at least I knew he was still alive. When the man first took me, he would laugh at my insistence that Taun would come and rescue me. Finally, he told me that he had killed Taun and I was a mess. That was the first time I tried to let the man kill me. But then the videos started and I realized that Taun couldn’t be dead. I tried to stay brave for Taun. I knew he would come for me, one day, and I didn’t want to die not seeing him again. But it got so bad sometimes.
And then, the Man went away.
I don’t know what happened; at some point about halfway through my captivity things got really strange. Perhaps it was the lack of food and the constant terror but, something changed. Had the man gotten tired of tormenting me and just left me to die? Had Taun killed him but been so disgusted by the videos that he didn’t want me anymore? I was confused, scared and didn’t know how much more I could take.
And then, the Monster came.